Use what you got

I woke up this morning and put in a DVD of  TD Jakes and his message was to “use what you got”.  Now that was perfect for my Tuesday. As you know Mondays are extremely long and tiring for me and last night was no different.  I found myself  blogging and when I opened my eyes my fingers were moving and the stuff I was writing was unbelievable.  Turns out I had on Law & Order and I was typing some of the story line.  Yep, just plain old crazy and tired.  I am so glad I didn’t click the publish button. I sent it somewhere but can’t find it.  If you happen to see if floating around in cyberspace know it is just plain old scenes off of the show.  Oh well, I ended up going to sleep and actually sleeping pretty good.

Earlier that Monday morning I woke up listening to Joel Osteen who was talking about stepping out there on faith. Monday was the day my middle child was going to school with his brand new glasses in his backpack.  No, he didn’t want to wear them before I purchased them, after I purchased them, when they were fitted to him and definitely not at school.  However, mean old mommie made him bring them. He cried, he blew his nose, he walked slow, he got dressed slow, he glared at me, he glared at me again and then one more time to make sure I saw him and then he just plain old laid out on his bed fully dressed and looking sad.  I ignored him, told him to hurry up, eat his breakfast and told him that he was going to wear those glasses when he reads.  He spoke silently and gruffly and explained to me for the 1 millionth time that he does need to wear his glasses because he can see the whiteboard. I ignored him. My middle son is a lot more sullen and more serious and often times others say that he acts like a grown man in a little boy’s body. I have to agree.   He wants everything and thinks I can give it to him and when I ask him to ask his father something mysterious happens.  He moans and says “mouum“.  Not only does he say mom with the long sound “mouum“,  my other 2 moan my name also at the thought that I would suggest their father could do it. They make sure when they say it, they put a question mark on it so that last sound the “um” the pitch goes up?  I have asked them why they think that there dad can’t get them the thing they want.  And they say because our dad doesn’t have any money.  I am like, what makes you think I have it.  They say you do.  My children don’t even know where their father lives and neither do I.  Believe it or not since the early part of 2004 he has refused to tell me where he lives and where he works!  And the courts can’t tell me because he deserves privacy.  My children have never been to their father’s home.  He loves them his way, he gives them money, he calls them daily, he sends them beautiful cards however he doesn’t ask me about their homework, their school activities, he doesn’t come to their sports games (basketball/soccer/gymnastics), he doesn’t take them to church or go with them to church, he doesn’t take them to the doctor, he doesn’t take them to the dentist, he doesn’t take off work to take them to their appointments, he doesn’t take off work to celebrate a milestone or a mini-stone in the kids educational careers, he doesn’t stay up with them when they are sick and sit in emergency rooms when they have had allergic reactions, he doesn’t throw them birthday parties, he doesn’t talk to them when they are mad, he doesn’t get to experience their joy at dinner or lunch or breakfast, he doesn’t get to see them sleeping at night, he doesn’t get to see how beautiful they are when they wake up, he doesn’t get morning hugs and evening hugs and mornings I don’t like you mom looks and evenings I don’t like you even more looks.  He is their father on the phone and maybe once a month in person.  I am their mother 24/7 and extremely blessed to be that.  I write to retire att 55 so I can enjoy them as new adults. 

I use what I got and as TD Jakes says we all have something.  We just have to take the time it takes to find out what it is that “we got.” Mine is writing, yours may be painting or listening or helping or cooking or keeping the house clean or the yard tidy. Whatever it is – it is yours.

The other thing that ‘I got” is a history of strong black folks and white folks that run in my family.  It is amazing the energy those that came before me possessed and endured and went through and came through.  I have a strength in me that sometimes makes me want to sit back after I have run a million miles over a weekend and say “wow did you really do that girlfriend.”  And I did it.  I embark on another journey that is getting me ready to enjoy the rest of the best of my years.  It is fabulous!

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One Response

  1. I am so so sorry to hear about the situation. Your kids deserve more. I will be praying for them.

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