My sons new mother

This morning I woke up with my middle son on my mind.  Wondering how I could communicate with him better. Feeling a little frustrated with him last night and understanding after sleep that I am the adult and I have to find a way to not make him feel uncomfortable in his own skin.  He is indeed a marvelous child, creative, observant and so kind.  He will buy his brother and sister and friends anything they ask for if he has the money and rarely asks for them to return it.  He will lift a refrigerator if you ask him and won’t complain. He cleans his room, he does his chores (some prodding is necessary here – he isn’t a saint – he is a child), he does his homework, he washes and folds his own clothes, he is extremely patient with his little sister and he is all around a very kind little boy.  He stutters around family only, not at school, he and be aloof, he has asthma and is allergic to nuts, he has had problems hearing and now poor thing has to wear glasses.  And as he announced to me some weeks ago he is in puberty! As I write, no wonder he isn’t all that happy about the glasses. Tis is just one more thing that he has no control over that in his mind draws attention to himself and he doesn’t like it.  Well at least outwardly, perhaps he has some type of passive aggressive need to be the center of attention but through some kind of physical problem.  There may be something to this. train of thought or not.  I am going to stay here with it and I am sure since I am such a fabulous and gifted writer who will retire at 55, it will come to me.  I was chatting with one of  the women at work that I admire so very much about my angst with my son.  She loves to hear my stories about my children. She is a gifted writer, quilter and maker of some of the best pajamas any little girl would ever want or desire.  She listened for a while and then she asked me a few very pointed questions.  The characteristic of a friend is someone who listens and knows exactly what and how to phrase something so that you as the receiver of the phrase can get it.  She asked me if he likes to cook? Perhaps this is something he can do just for himself.  Well he loves to cook.  I however have not been the one to spark that interest.  It has been one of his good friend’s mother who is a cook and owns her own restaurant.  Every time he goes to visit this little boy his mother always lets them cook.  Brownies, cornbread, cakes, ribs and he comes back and tells me about it. He loves the way his cousin’s mother cooks. She cooks great mexican food and he loves it.  If you haven’t figured it out by now I can be a little high-strung! ( I know you are amazed – smile) and this same friend told  me some months ago that perhaps I overwhelm my middle son with all of my talking loud, laughing loud and well just being so excitable.  She suggested that I tone it down when I talk to him. Spend some time with just him alone and not allow my other children to interrupt.  I took this advice and saw the results were wonderful.  So, tonight I take her advice again. After he reads to me for about 40 minutes with his glasses on – no drama from him at all.  he read well and appeared much calmer than last night.  I laid there and listened and helped him when he had trouble pronouncing a word.  After we were done, I asked him if he liked to cook.  he said Yes really fast and loud.  I said do you want to cook and he said yes he wants to cook other stuff besides brownies and I asked him what he wanted to cook.  he said he didn’t know.  He said he wanted to cook something and I suggested this weekend.  He said ok and he would think about what he wanted to cook.  I smiled and he smiled and that was that.

I have absolutely wonderful children and equally wonderfully special friends. Parenting requires constant and careful attention to your children.  Knowing when to pull back and when to step it up.  They don’t really know why they act or react a certain way – we all know their brains are not fully developed until early 20’s.  What I believe that as their mother I have to find the ways to assist them in all facets that I can to help them become men and a woman of extreme character, a strong and active belief in God and an appreciation for the individuality that each of them possess.  This individuality does not make them better or less than each other, it just makes them – them.

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