How Does God Work In My Life?

As I woke up this morning I was energized.  I thought about my post last night and realized I think I was whining! (smile)Spending so much time talking about why I can’t find a man who loves good ole’ me! Humpfh! The common denominator in all of my relationships is me.  What is wrong with me – my personality, my inability to stand up and up and up and truly believe that I am what I say- requires an action.  An action that may not be comfortable but in the end, the pay off is ultimate respect and a peace that shows forth from my spirit.  When you see me, you see calm or confidence and the God in me.  God brought all of these men in my life to teach me that I have issues – yes I  know so very hard to believe, right? (smile) However they each taught me that there are things about me that need work.  That is their gift to me.  I have been actively working on becoming a better Yolande since I stopped drinking some 23 years ago. 

I am spending this time working on me and actually enjoying me.  I don’t think I have never not had a man in my life since I have become an adult. Well finally the time is now – no man. I am focusing on me and my children for the first time in many years. My vision has a shelf life and I must do it in God’s time not my time.  This is what TD Jakes said this morning.  In order to achieve what I need to achieve, I have to do and become what that is – in God’s time. I realize that I have been extremely blessed to have given all of me when I am with the men that I have loved. I have given 100%. Whether they interpreted it as needy or clingy is simply on them.  I would have done just about anything in order to make the relationships work and that meant giving time, emotion, helping with their children and helping with any monies.  I have given my body to them and I admit for me. (ha ha) Yet the one thing I would not do was anything that required me to share who I am with more than 1 man at a time or anything that made me feel uncomfortable whatever that was.  I am a patient woman and a loving woman.  I am also a controlling woman and good or bad I know I have to make adjustments – I am working on that. I apologize to the men in my life for blaming you – I know I have my own stuff. I want a soft place to land and I will get it. 

I thank you, the men in my life for helping me to transform into the woman God has designed me to be.  55 is looking better.  Now that I have gotten this off my chest, let me iron my shirt and get cute.  It is gonna be a beautiful day in sunny California on this Friday. Yippee!!

Yolande Barial, Inspirational, Sensual and Spiritual, a unique voice.

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