Sons + daughter

When I last blogged I was in awe of the parents of the son who had graduated from college who was told when he was diagnosed with autism that he would have to be institutionalized. Ha! Well that truth spoken by the doctors was wrong.  

 As I have continued to grow in my relationship with each of my children; the way in which I speak to them and the way in which I believe or disbelief in their abilities has a marked affect and effect on what they will even attempt to try. When I praise them for the smallest of things and then discipline them on the things that are character-builders they move towards the direction of thinking through the praise as an encouragement to try again and their discipline also as an encouragement to try again.  Praise to try to get more of it from me and discipline to try NOT to get more of it from me. I can see their little eyes moving around in their heads when they hear a tone in my voice that lets them know that I am happy with them or that I am disappointed with their actions.  I have always made disciplining them focus on their actions and not on who they are as people. I let them know that I am disappointed in what they have done and always end any amount of hysteria, yeah I really can go there, with the three words  I love you.  I say that and I touch them in some way; either with a hug, a high-five, a gentle push, holding of their hands or even a kiss on the cheek – I seal the love in with the discipline.  It becomes a sense memory for them. One they will not get now; however, when I am gone and they are left to be parents – they will repeat.  The memory is one of complete unconditional love. 

My week at work and at home was one of the busiest.  At the office I worked from the time I sat down until it was time to leave, I rushed home and had to take my daughter to gymnastics on Monday, went to work on Tuesday and came home in time to go to my women’s group bible study and leave there and pick up my daughter and her fellow jr. girl scout from Girls Scout Camp and take the fellow girl scout home and then come home, on Wednesday I went to my doctor’s appt. and then to the office, rushed home got caught in terrible traffic and arrived home just in time to pick up my daughter and her fellow G.S. and take her home and us back to our home, on Thursday I went to work, we had a potluck to celebrate Juneteenth at the office, I came home and the hills near Tracy were on fire so I sat in traffic and arrived again in time to pick up my daughter and G.S. and take her home and us too, on Friday I went to work, got off early to take my son to his first meeting of  his new competitive soccer team in Ripon, left there and got home in time to pick up my daughter at her final day of G.S. camp, on Saturday I got up and went to the church to help with the Father’s Day breakfast, left there and all 3 of the kids and I went to my oldest sons’ basketball tournament from 3 to 7 they played 3 different teams and won all 3.

Today was the first time I was not exhausted. I spent the day with my children and a friend. My children are some of the funniest kids you ever want to meet. We laughed, we talked and we laughed and talked some more. My oldest is an awesome player and my middle son is equally as talented on the field of soccer and my daughter has her own talent however tonight her sense of comedy was perfection!

I tell them I am proud of them. I can see that they know it.  I allow them to be who they are and I sow into each of their gifts, talents and their expression of their gifts and talents. My daughter has taken to reading everything. I told her I was proud of her because she is such a good reader.  She has been reading books, writing in her journals and creating a house out of cardboard and painters blue tape in her room.   She has been asking me to show her how to write words on the computer. I showed her tonight how to access WORD and create her own document.  It is 12 at night and she is typing.  When my sister and I were little we read everything. I drew cartoon characters and loved to be in charge of the record player in our garage. My sister was the real reader. She read all of the time. She still does. My daughter has that talent.

I look at my sons in amazement for the things that I have put them through with a divorce, several moves from house to house to house and now to this our home, to the men that I have loved and dated and to these same men who decided they didn’t want to be fathers and did not want to make us work and left my children (and me however I am a big girl — ha ha ha – right? — I spent the nights crying and screaming into a towel in the shower – however that is another blog entirely- back to the kids and their grief) without so much as a backward glance, to the ups and downs of watching me grow up from a young woman to a wise woman and to an even better mother than even this writer thought possible – they are boys who deserve all of the good that is coming their way. They never doubted me, they never hated me, they never mistrusted me. Where I went they went and now I am through moving and through looking. God has blessed me with this ability to parent in the tough times and in the tired times. My sons and my daughter are three of the bestest things that God has allowed me to have and for that I am eternally grateful.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose
Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers all sisters, young and seasoned, to become on-purpose for themselves.”


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