Taming the Tongue

Sunday, my favorite day.  Hung by the tongue was the title of the sermon today.  It was so appropriate for me.  I spent the last several weeks enjoying the words that people have spoken over me and those words still make me smile.  At the same time I have had moments when the things that have been said to me that have hurt me have come up in my head and those words that made me cry then make me cry all over again.  The sting of the words followed by the action to cement the words into my being have never been forgotten. Over time I have been able to put the words in the proper perspective, I have compartmentalized the pain into a part of my memory allowed for past hurts. This past hurts area has gotten smaller and smaller as I have progressed into a more seasoned Yolande and that is a good thing.  The area is small because the words that sting are all similar. The words that hurt the most are words that come from a lover, a friend and even a coworker – and these words all say the same thing to me. The sting of the same feeling has allowed me to know that this is what I need to learn. This “this” that hurts me the most is the feeling of being dismissed. The dismissal has come in different forms however the feeling that it activates in me is the same.  It hurts the core of who I think I am to the person that speaks the words.  As lover and friend the dismissal comes when that person acts as if my loving or caring for them is not at all important and the words that are said are ones of not wanting to be around me and moving on and telling me that I am not what you desire or that I am not enough.  As coworker the words are condescending and that tone is one of not wanting to hear what I have to say about it, in other words my opinion really doesn’t matter.  These words and these actions hurt me all in one place. In my heart. The pain subsides and does get placed where it belongs in the past.


I have always known that the tongue is a two-edged sword and that our words should be weighed out before spoken. My words are generally spoken with a lot of emotion. If I care about you, the emotion is toned down so that the words will not be offensive. I really don’t want anyone to feel dismissed and I don’t want people to feel as if I think I am better than them. The tongue can start a fire that cannot be contained for a long time.  When a wildfire is finished burning it is put out by the fire department – it just doesn’t stop all by itself. The fire is fought by the firemen and this is what eventually puts the fire out. Our words can be put out however they are out there and they have burned/hurt someone.  The words/fire are gone; however the charred earth remains and to those who walk or drive by they will know that there has been a fire in this place. Like the tongue others will remember what was said and even though it is not the truth or not the exact truth they will still remember what was said and only through conscious contact with God will we be able to come out of this fire and not smell like smoke.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose
Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.




“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers all sisters, young and seasoned, to become on-purpose for themselves.”


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