Life Lesson

My mother used to say this hurts me more than it hurts you. She said this statement generally when she was spanking one of  us kids or punishing one of us.  At the time, like most children, I believed that this woman was full of  hooeeey, karazy, wacko, loopey and old.  This evening I learned what that statement can mean in the form of my oldest son.  I wasn’t spanking him or punishing him; however, I felt his pain.   The lesson being that life isn’t fair and still life goes on.  I saw my son shed a tear over not starting in the last two basketball games. I heard him explain why he thought he wasn’t starting and that was because he messed up in a tournament a few games ago when he was over excited because his girlfriends parents were in the stands and he was nervous.  Since then he says he has been trying to show the coach that this will never happen again and yet the coach doesn’t appear to get it that he is giving it his all.  He had one bad game and he feels the coach is not playing him because of that.  I don’t know if that is true or not.  As a parent I have my own opinions about this coaches coaching style.  I am not allowed to speak on it at the behest of my son.  I will not speak to the coach.  My son is used to starting and used to playing the entire game.   To be fair to the coach he has only not played my son for the entire game for 2 games and we are still not yet in the season.  This year he has a different coach with a new approach and he has to learn that sports is sports. 

  I want to call the coach and in my best non-defensive and justified mommie manner explain to him what a great boy my 15-year-old is and how responsible and how unlike all of the other boys on his team he is.  I want to tell the coach that he is pained when he has to sit on the bench and that he hurt my sons feelings tonight because of it. He scored when he was in the game and he  always assists other boys on the team to score. I want to tell the coach that my son is the leader of the team and all of the boys look up to him.  I want to tell the coach that my son is the one who gives all of the other boys pep talks.  I cannot say anything to the coach however I did talk to my son.

I told my son to not let anyone’s definition of him define his reality.  I told him that in The Secret you have to believe a thing and then you will attract the thing you believe.  I told him that what you love will love you.  I told him to not think about what you don’t like about the game and don’t like about the coach, but think only about the fact that you love basketball and basketball loves you.  I told him that life isn’t fair however that what you make of it when you continue to remain positive is much better than if you remain negative.  I told him that the minute you have negative thoughts you should shake your head and  shake those thoughts away and begin to think of the love and the good parts of your life.  I told him that it will not be easy and it will take time.  I told him that this is what I do when I am confronted with a life isn’t fair moment.  I shake my head, I cry and then I get back to the business of believing in myself again.  I told him to do as I suggest and I promised him the love of basketball will attract to him.  I believe it.  In The Power Rhonda Byrnes shares differing philosophical views and the common thread on all is that we must not even think about the negative because what we think we attract whether it is for the good or for the bad. So think on the positive and think on the love and positively love will surround you. 

I know that my life lessons can only show my son how to move through his life lessons and let him know that I am on his side.  I hurt when he hurts.  I hurt because as mother I cannot fix it.  I can only be the guide and the soft place where my children land. By 55 all that I love will manifest.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”


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