The Pea Patch

Sunday my favorite day is here and I am grateful.  The kids and I had one of those weekends that I would say was productive.  My 3 children, who are absolutely fabulous were all punished.   Yep no cell phones all weekend. This is the first time I have ever, ever done this!  The eldest son brought home 2 D’; one in English and one in Spanish-2, the younger son brought home a D in math and my daughter decided that she was going to blatantly refuse my request to see her spelling words by refusing to take them out of her backpack while we were driving to school – I decided it was time to exercise some tough love. I had already been in training for this new phase of my life and of their lives; for several months and it just so happened it all came to fruition at the perfect time for it to be enacted. 

 My sweetie bought and brought us a white board that he posted in the kitchen. Here  is where I proceeded to put up a calendar and to write chores for each child  for all to see. As I write, I should probably put up the penalties for infractions, hmm. Anywho, the good thing about these grades is that they can be pulled up and better get pulled up.  The 3 loves of my life, have 2 months to do so and I have no doubt that it will happen. I take some responsibility in that they have been so busy with school, social stuff and sports and I have also been busy making sure they accopmplish all of their schedule and busy on my own schedule; the house has been fruiful and yet a little over booked, that I have not checked their homework and have been signing their agenda’s believing that everything has been done.  Well, I am back now.

My older son was disappointed in himself and graciously turned over his cell phone, my middle son was not so gracious; he began negotiating for the cell phone’s return within the hours following retrieval, and my daughter did not appear concerned at all – she simply asked why I was taking the phone and once I reminded her of her beahvior that Friday orning, that was all she seemed to need. I then proceeded to have a private, no yelling, talk with each one of them alone, about my expectations and what I needed from them. I was stern and loving and my boys did make up school work, cleaned their rooms, went through old clothes and shoes to give to Goodwill,  performed their regular chores and seemed to enjoy not being tethered to their cell phones. My daughter did the same along with exercising with me, and then playing with one of her dear friends in the afternoon – the laughed, they sang and they danced and teased each other and even made me a picture our of some kind of fake diamond thingee’s – cute.  I was able to enjoy the down time and uncluttered my room and cleaned the house and even cleaned the ceiling fans for the first time since I have lived in this house.  Wow and yuk at the same time!

The reverend that spoke this morning was one who doesn’t preach that often. He spoke about 2 Samuel.

2 Samuel 23:11-12 (New King James Version)

11 And after him was Shammah the son of Agee the Hararite. The Philistines had gathered together into a troop where there was a piece of ground full of lentils. So the people fled from the Philistines. 12 But he stationed himself in the middle of the field, defended it, and killed the Philistines. So the LORD brought about a great victory.

The sermon title was The Pea Patch.  It is a simple message.  Shammah was one of  the 37 warriors of  King David.  He was the only one who stood in the field of lentils which was the food for the people. http://www.agricultureguide.org/how-to-grow-lentils-a-complete-guide/   Lentils are a type of bean that really looks like a seed. It has a high level of protein and  comes in a bunch of different colors and sizes. Lentils grow on short shrubs and have to be picked. The advantage of the lentils is that they have slight tolerance to the drought and hence can survive a period without water.  The advantage that one has with growing the lentils is that since the plant grows round the year once the proper conditions are met it will grow and act as nutrient year round for the people. The Philistines wanted the lentil farm, Shammah stood his ground to protect that which the people had conditioned for growth. He fought the Philistines alone and won.

As I listened, I sat straight up and though wow, the Bible is an amazing book.  Here we are talking about fighting over beans in a field and what it really means to me is what will you fight for if you had it fight all by yourself?  It meant that as a parent we are called to fight for our children and if we have to stand  against the outside influences of the world and shake our children back to reality we are called to do so.   As mothers we birth our children either through actually having them come from our bodies or from having them come to us in a foster or adoption scenario – either way, we  are there when they first learn so many things and we are there when they make mistakes and as they grow older we are there to train them how to correct mistakes and that requires some kind of punishment to shake them up just a little bit to allow them to say hey I better make a change.  We are called to fight for them and to not allow the outside to get into them.  The challenge as mom, who will retire at 55 is to balance it all  and to realize that I have great children. Their grades consisted of A’s, B’s and C’s on a regular basis, these D’s are just an indication that I need to be alittle more vigilante. As any lentil farmer knows that the soil needs to be watered, not daily; but enough to cover the pea to allow it to grow strong and healthy and productive. Now this to me is what you call an aha moment.

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http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

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To Bless or Not to Bless

The other day when I was at work, I heard what sounded like a cough from a coworker and no one said anything. We heard it and we continued working.  Then shortly after that, I heard what sounded like a sneeze and myself and several other ladies in the office responded God Bless You.  It struck me at that time that there is a difference in the 2 sounds that elicit either no response or a response.   The difference is something that we learn from birth the same as when we learn how to recognize different expressions on our mothers faces and which people are happy and which are sad, simply by a look. Now, everyone has a distinct facial pattern that distinguishes them from another, they have their own walk and their one voice quality.  All sneezes and all coughs are equally as different however the uniqueness in their difference is that those who hear the sounds do not have to see the person to know the difference. We hear the difference and we recognize the difference.  Sneezes come out sounding like a rubber duckie that you squeeze “squeaky”,  like a person sipping a cup of coffee to make sure it is not too hot before it is swallowed “schuush”, like a chuchuchu train sound with just the “chuuu” or like the sound one makes when you kinda’ thought you were gonna be squeaky and you just “squeaked”.  These universal different yet equal sounds elicit several different universally accepted responses and they are “God Bless You” or in German it is ‘Gesundheit’, which means ‘health’  or ‘Oh my’ or ‘Are you ok?’ The sneezee then has the ability to totally ignore these responses and this no-response- response is acceptable universally, the sneezee can thank you and that  alone is acceptable, the sneezee can add an explanation for the sneeze which can  range from ‘my allergies are killing me’, to ‘I ‘m catching a cold’, to ‘I feel a chill in the office’, to ‘I don’t know where that came from’ – all acceptable and accepted universally. Oh and I might add that sneezes can come in two’s or three’s. Now what happens here is amazing.  After the first sneeze elicits a response and if there is an immediate second sneeze there may or may not be a response other than ‘oh my goodness’ and if there is a third sneeze, for some reason this elicits an even bigger response for those in its ear range.  It elicits either a giggle or some proclamation about ‘the third time is a charm’.  Universal  office laughter is the response and the office relaxes for a few minutes and then gets quiet and we go back to work.   

Now a cough on the other hand elicits no response of concern.  It usually causes the office to be irritated. A cough can sound like  a big Rottweilers’ bark or it can sound like kachooo.  A cough is impersonal and a cough stands alone.  No one cares about the cough unless it is continuous and becomes disruptive and then someone may ask, do you need  some water.’  However; the cougher pretty much has to just about gag before that happens.  A cough is an unwelcome intrusion and for some reason it gets relegated to the range of being rude even if the person really is sick.  We don’t seem to collectively care about coughs. There are no God Bless You’s/Gesundheit’s in English or in German. There is the raspy I have already smoke 10 cigarettes this morning sound, there is the I am sick I need to go home sound, the I have some kind of frog in my throat cough, the cough that when heard staff can hear the germs spreading all over the office, the loud cough, the quiet cough and the annoying cough.  According to www.wwebmd.com coughing is your body’s way of removing foreign substances and mucus from your lungs and upper airway passages whereas sneezes protect your body by clearing the nose of bacteria and viruses, Kao explains.

So the basis for the difference in response to both of these reactions  be that one response is seen as an indicator of  ill-health and the other is seen as one of healing.  Our intuitive center recognizes the difference in the hearing.  We bless one and we don’t the other. To me the fact that all of us can recognize the difference is amazing.

The truth of the matter according to www.webmd.com is that in the blessing, Wood explains,  the Greek word for sneeze is “pneuma,” which means “soul or spirit.” “A post-sneeze blessing stems from the ancient belief that sneezing is a near-death experience, and that a blessing will prevent your soul or sneeze from esc aping your body and will deter the devil from entering in,” Wood says.  A cough, on the other hand, means you are sick and should be banished to your home or at least to the conference room for a break to cough your little heart out so the office can work.  Blech!!

The ability that our ears have to distinguish sounds truly is amazing.  Wouldn’t it be great we practiced a little more listening and less talking.  If we did so, we could really hear what someone was truly saying as they spoke. We would be fully present in the dynamic of the conversation and understand the differences in tone signals a difference in direction.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

https://yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

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“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

The day after

Sunday, my favorite day, has come and gone and with it one of the best weekends I have had in a very long time.  Kids were well-behaved, sweetie was cute and handy and I am in love with all four. I woke up with a renewed energy and with the excitement that this day brings.  The church was on fire with the spirit and the words that were spoken were not memorable; however, the feelings that I felt in the sanctuary this day, made my mind relax and know that He is alive and present in my life.  The God that has sustained and kept me continues to do so. 

As my children are becoming older I find that I talk louder. I talk louder because quite frankly my subconscious is telling me “they don’t hear you, say it again and say it louder.”  So, I do. I say it again, I say it louder and then I yell it again and yell it louder. However as I heard his whisper say “shhhhh… don’t yell, talk quietly and tell him what you want them to do.  In this case, on Friday morning, my oldest son was calling my name and as I leaned over the 2nd floor banister to see what was the matter, I look down. He is sitting on the edge of the couch, backpack on his back, ready for school and he says just as calmly as I ask what time is it, the toilet is stopped up and there is water coming out of it. I immediately raise my voice and ask him what are you sitting there for, get a towel or something and clean it up.  My oldest son who understands chemistry and the dynamics of basketball and now track, seems to be at a loss as to what to do now. He sits.

 I felt his kiss and then I felt relief.  There really is no need to escalate from one decibel level to a higher one when speaking to children.  From about  12-years old to maybe 20-something-years old – boys seem to be devoid of the proper responses to elicit in a situation. There is no panic, no fear and no understanding of what is happening and what to do next.   This is the reason to have another around to see what you cannot see and to check what you need to do better. I saw and I will do better.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

https://yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

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“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

Too Much?

I was reading on the yahoo website that the NFL players and team owners are fighting on how to divide the league’s estimated $9.3 billion dollars in revenue.  According to the TMZ website  Paris Hilton was given  a brand new $375,000 bright yellow Lexus LFA for her 30th birthday present by her boyfriend.  Reporting from eonloine.com Kendall Jenner, who?, one of the younger sisters of Kim Kardashian; received a Balenciaga bag which costs a few thousand dollars for her 15th birthday. Now I don’t know about you, I have never even heard of a Balenciaga so I googled the name and lo and behold the doggone designer has been around since 1918!! www.balenciaga.com    I read the story about the NFL and the wondered does anyone else see something wrong with this picture? In these times when people are losing their homes, children go to bed hungry, every government and city is being impacted by high foreclosure rates, good quality education is going into the toilet because we have cut the schools budgets to almost nothing this excess is what we report.  How much money is too much?  If we took just a few of those unnecessary dollars and unnecessary gifts and helped someone who really needed help the world would be in a much better state than it is currently in. 

Oh well, just a thought.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

https://yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

Sunday – Japan

My favorite day has come and gone. On Friday I knew that on Sunday I would not be at service.  I was tired, my children were tired and my sweetie was tired. Waking up on this day listening to each other and listening to children and to TD Jakes as he blared out of the television, the morning began as all my Sun -days begin with a connection with God and His many blessings. 

In 2 minutes at approximately 2:46 pm, local time, and with a magnitude of 8.9 lives were changed. Japan will never be the same, the people will never be the same and the world as we know it will never be the same.  The earth literally stood still and waters overflowed. The power of water moved can lead to destruction. http://www.disasterfunding.org/DisasterFunding.org.html

As  I walk around my home, cooking breakfast, barking orders to children, laughing and loving; I find that this morning is no different from the morning that many had in Japan last Friday. Going about the business of living we just do things. We do not take the time to enjoy the doing, to give gratitude to those who we move through the universe with on a daily or even on a casual sometimey basis. Disasters that come unannounced do not allow for preparation. One must be prepared and ready before the unannounced arrives.  There is a sound like a freight train, like a big bang and there is movement and things falling and being off-balance and the feeling of fear – uncontrollable. The shaking stops and the movement has shifted the environment into upheaval.  What does one do when there is nothing that one can do?  We see images of teary eyed women and men, disbelief emanates from their eyes, empty children, seniors in shock, masked men and woman and children wandering aimlessly looking for connection. Every Sunday I am called inside to connect with those I love and those who love me. This Sunday added something else – a man to take care of me. Unbelievable. 

Japan serves as a reminder that worship and prayer and family and constant connection and communication with God are really all that there is to life. Being kind and ensuring that ones scroll is written where honor is spoken is what I strive for and what I know that my children, sweetie, divasisters, real friends and real family aim to achieve. As our earth moves underneath, may our resolve be to be better and do better, pray more, love often, dance always and giggle  – for life happens and shifts occur. My Sundays are always good days.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

https://yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

My Older Son

My oldest son decided he was going to run track after the basketball season.  A season where I felt his skills were not utilized in the manner that taught him anything.  The fact that he was NOT mentored affected his spirit.  I think it is a dangerous thing when a child’s spirit is broken.  My job as parent is to keep the fire going. I believe I do that for all of my children. I have called his JV coach, the athletic director and left 2 voice mail messages for both of them and as of this typing I have received ZERO return calls.  Any teacher that I have ever called regarding any of my children’s academic career has called me back within the day.  What makes athletic coaches/teachers any different?. Most of these coaches appear to be adult males and as such should be our little boys leaders and example of  how to become a man.  Hmpf.  Oh well, as my son’s champion and as the cutest little pit bull momma you will ever see – I plan to lock on until someone comes and releases my bite and responds when I call.  Teachers are amazing and I respect them for their commitment to my children.  A good teacher motivates, teaches, corrects and guides a child to find his or her own greatness or his or her own ability to persevere even when the class is challenging. Sports are to teach the same.  Our little boys are like clay on the potter’s wheel and can be molded into a beautiful pitcher that can hold all that is taught or it can be so poorly molded that it holds nothing. My son has been on my potter’s wheel for almost 16 years now. His ability to be molded into his own idea of  beautiful is, well, just beautiful.   He has rekindled his own spirit in track.  He is encouraged, motivated and his own personal inner drive is on fire.

When I arrived at the track meet it had already begun. He had already won the triple jump and his team had won the 4×4 where he anchored the team as they came in first place. He saw me, came over to me and allowed me to give him kisses while his teammates huddled around me as he introduced me as his mom and as they smiled.  They were all skinny and muscular and stinky 15 and 16-year-old boys. Silly and goofy and committed to athletics and education.  It is a beautiful thing to see – Asian, Hispanic, Black, Samoan, Indian and White;  all colors=  one boy.

 Watching him run for the very first time last night at the track meet and seeing my beautiful baby boy push with his little skinny legs, anchoring the 4 x 100, across the finish line and come in 2nd all I can say is I was soooooooooooo proud.  He looked good, he felt good and I was screaming with excitement, jumping up and down and afterwards making sure he put his sweats back on so that he would not get a cramp. My children are amazing.  Remember he has not run track since he was a little boy, maybe 9-years old.

 My oldest is the very first thing that God made in my body. He was made because of  love and he is what  I love, because I made him. 

There is nothing like being a mother.

Retiring at 55 is what I will do so that I can enjoy my children with the energy and with the leisure time to bask in their essence and in the three reasons why I move and breathe – their lives fulfill me, their joys and their sorrows motivate me to hang on and be their champion as they have done for me the past 15 1/2 years.  Thank you God.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

https://yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

Watch Me Burn

There is a song on the Recovery CD by Eminem entitled “Watch Me Burn”.  http://www.eminem.com/lyrics/

Words are so powerful. His lyrics speak about a relationship that he has had with a woman and the listener is left with the feeling that this woman could possibly be either his ex-wife or his girlfriend.  In the lyrics, he talks about a violent relationship that he has had with the woman and his feelings about why he is the way he is and his version of what love is and how he is able to love the woman based on his experiences and  the fact that he recognizes his wrongs and is trying to be better. The energy that he speaks sounds angry and if the listener is not careful they will miss the pain.  The words that are repeated and are the tag lines, if you will, that stick out in my mind are:

“Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that’s alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that’s alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie”

How many of us can speak and write and express so eloquently about past wrongs? How many can then change the course of their lives by an action that requires hard work?

Eminem’s words are powerful.  These words in “Watch me Burn” tells me that as a society and as media we sit in our offices and nowadays that could be an office in a building, in a park, in the car or in a bedroom propped up on pillows and write and broadcast and watch people self-destruct and report it as news. As of  late, the media and the public have an insatiable appetite for watching destruction about Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Bobbi Kristina Brown and now Charlie Sheen.   Does anyone remember reading about Roman gladiators fighting wild animals, men fighting men, lynching of black people, bull fighting, public hangings of “criminals”  back when the west was wild? If so, the way in which we watch these celebrities self-destruct is similar, to me at least, of a family gathering together in any arena or park on a beautiful Saturday afternoon with a crowd of other like-minded-fun-loving-sanctimonious group who just wanna have fun and we eat, laugh, talk, watch and gossip about nothing and everything and watch as collective/cannibal as our fellow human is decimated, humiliated and killed by our inaction and lack of passion.

The keepers of the keys to the stadium are us.  The time is now to say “hell no” and I ain’t gonna take it anymore!  How can I as parent teach and model good behavior if all that our children see,  hear, taste and smell begins with a  teaspoon of  hate.  The celebrities are just a microcosm of the lengths we will go to, to avoid our own inadequacies.  We look at young adults addicted to drugs and to alcohol and addicted to limelight at any cost and we do nothing.  As media we report it and then the spectators read about it, talk about it over and over and over again on every radio and television station, on the internet, streaming on our phones and on the words we see crawling at the bottom of our television or laptop monitor that allow our subconscious brain to absorb this nonsense 24/7.  I am a mother, a parent, a baby boomer, a woman and sister-friend whose brain is on overload.  I remember for about 20 years I messed up. I mean I was productive and successful as far as a child could be until I was thrust into college.  Here I thought I knew everything.  I didn’t have a-tenth of the amount of money that these kids we report about have and yet I managed to pretty much self-destruct amid the opportunities that were right in front of my then poor self-image.  I realize that as children we make mistakes and as adult Sheen is witness to, if not corrected – confusion continues.  Had it not been for the grace of God and in the spirit of  2 police officers I would have completely spiraled down and perhaps not been here in this present form to write.  To be able to recognize your own self-worth is hard enough when it is just you and a few people watching; however imagine what it must be like for your every waking minute to be broadcast, all of your missteps talked about and analyzed, what would it be like if the things that you had done one night as a youngster were broadcast over and over?  Could you take it, would you take it and how long before you cracked?  I have no clue; however as adults and as keepers of the keys we do have a sense of what it takes to get to who we are and yet we continue to perpetuate and report and destroy the young and sometimes the old as we don’t allow them time to grow up. Money does not instantly make you smart and allow you to make wise decisions.  As Oprah has said about having a lot of money, what it does is give you opportunity.  Depending on your upbringing opportunity can be manifested in many ways – both healthy and not so.

Words are powerful.  http://www.oprah.com/spirit/The-Power-of-Words  The manner that we speak and the way we speak brings emphasis to the words by our action or lack thereof.  As a society of grown folks we should really be ashamed.  We have all crowded into the arena of public opinion as people who look in the rearview mirror and underestimate their ability to back into the space and bump the car right next to it and drive away – we, this moral minded collective not-in-my backyard-public should just be ashamed.

Can we just allow these people the courtesy to grow up and sit back as Eminem has done and reflect and say, I know I did wrong and I will do better and if you let me I will be better. Stop “watching me burn” and help me.

 As a woman on the road to retiring at 55, I am blessed to be able to say that I have benefited from this reflection and thank God that my public was just my circle of friends and family who have the ability to love me when I am up and love me when I am down.   Retiring at 55 is a good thing.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

https://yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

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