Amal & Osama

Her name is Amal Ahmed Abdul Fatah and according to every media source she was the favorite, the youngest wife of Osama. She was shot and took a bullet in the leg for her man.  Come on, she really is no different from any young girl that is paid the least amount of attention by an upperclassman in school or the local high rolling drug dealer.  This kind of relationship is nothing new.  According to media sources she was married at 18 and has had 3 children by Osama who already had 15 children making his grand total 18 children by 5 other women.   She was born in 1982 in Yemen.  She is 29. There is something that happens  to a young woman when she is made to feel special by any older man. In this case he was not just any older man, he was Osama bin Laden who was considered in the eyes of  al Qaeda to be an honorable man who was not viewed as a terrorist.   I don’t know whether Amal was in love with Osama or whether she was enamored with his power or whether she just made the best of the cards that she was dealt.  After all she had no choice in whom she was to marry, in that she was given to bin Laden by her family.

 This belief system that is nurtured by the older man, allows the young girl to do some of the craziest things ever to make sure that he knows that she loves him.  This  form of acknowledgement of the love of an older man is played out in everyday situations.  Just think about  how many times we have seen a young woman who will lie so that her older boyfriend won’t go to jail for a crime that he committed; the young woman who believes her man when he tells her that he did not sleep with that other woman; the young woman who knows that her husband is molesting her children and just lets it go because she doesn’t think that she can take care of herself without him; the woman who has fallen so madly in love with a man that she refuses to see that he is using her for money, for sex, for procreation or for fun. What must it be like to have children for someone who already has 15 before you?

I don’t know how she feels. No one really knows that.  As people looking from the outside, we can speculate and write and speak about what we think that Amal thinks.  She was expected to marry someone who her family chose.  She was expected to fight for her man.  She was expected to possibly die for her man. What I do know is she was an 18-year-old girl married to a much older man who had 3 children by him and she was shot in the leg.  She traveled wherever he went and if she had an objection I am sure she kept it to herself.  After all she is a mother with 3 children. Now she is a single mother with 3 children who is only 29 years old.  Her life and the lives of  her children will never be the same.  She is a mother just the same and a mother who on this Mother’s Day has lost the only man that she has ever known as husband and whose children have lost their father. How many other young woman experience the same kind of pain and the same kind of loss of a man they loved blindly who now has not only gone from her life but the lives of her children.    I am  not at all condoning what her husband did.  It was a terrible and cowardly act that affected the lives of so many people in our country. 911 is and will always be a tragedy.  Amal can be seen as a victim also.  A victim of a society that gave her life and her body to a man that she did not know. Who in the end couldn’t protect her or her children.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

http://www.yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.examiner.com/motherhood-in-stockton/yolande-barial

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/12489710/article-Her-Voice–To-helmet-or-not-to-helment?instance=home_opinion_lead_story

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

Advertisements

Mothers Day

Mothers raise their children to leave.  The leaving takes the place in many forms and often times children come back several times before they get it right. However once the final push out of the home nest is made – the babe must either walk, fly, swim, graduate, go to college, get a job, get an apartment or another place to live; either way they must make a move. In order to ensure that this move is permanent, as mothers, we begin the preparation to leave soon after they are born.  We begin by teaching  them to nurse and then teaching them to eat baby food, even as the child pushes the food back out of his mouth, we gently clean the chin and then scoop the creamy baby food back into the mouth of the infant. We then continue  our  tutelage by telling them that only babies drink out of bottles and eat baby food and then we tell them they are a big girl or boy and must use a sippy cup and eat solid foods and place them in their own mouths with their own fingers.  One of the other monumental steps in our babes leaving is walking. Walking symbolizes freedom and the ability of the child to move from place to place creates in them a need to explore and eventually run from mothers who are doing their best in the mall or grocery store to keep them close and safe because she knows that danger is lurking in the guise of a kind man who has lost his puppy just waiting for the mom to disappear. Once these small yet very difficult and complex tasks have been well learned through repetition the child moves from a small fenced-in backyard to a larger school yard where the influences are peer pressure and less stranger danger. At any case here in this larger yard is where our ability to mother and our ability to know that we know that something is amiss comes in handy.  This knowing is a mother’s intuition and it can also be called mother wit.  Webster.com defines wit as a verb which is know and mother wit as a natural wit or intelligence and so it is what mothers have naturally that tells them that they know that the child has already done something that he or she was not supposed to do simply  by looking at them, hearing them or sensing them.  A mother’s job is never done. Even when they leave the home nest they come back for advice, for a shoulder to lean on, for someone to blame because they didn’t get the fancy sports car they wanted at 16; so it is OUR fault that they flunked out of school or something else so terrible that only one of our kids would say. A mother cares for the infant when he cannot care for himself, a mother takes the babe to his doctor appointments, signs her up for school, goes to school with him on the first day and possibly the next day and the next, stays up late nights helping with homework assignments due the next day that were assigned a weeks ago and just now the babe is writing; yep tonight. 

I went to the West Valley Mall last week to see African Cats with my daughter and her friend; both 9- years old silly and giggly. During this movie, I was struck by the mothering that the lionesses and the cheetah mom showed toward their young. They preened and groomed them (gave them a bath and combed their hair), they hunted (grocery store),they fought to protect them (if all of your friends jump off the cliff will you) only when necessary, they allowed their cubs to explore the jungle (go to the mall) and they expected individual and collective rough house play (basketball, soccer, gymnastics). The  lioness  did get angry and the cheetah irritated at their cubs; however never enough to push them away until their learning process was complete. 

Mothers raise children to leave. And if we do a half-way-decent job they won’t come back. From one mother to another, pat yourself back on the back, celebrate yourself and have a Happy Mothers Day.  Motherhood is a work in process.

Missed Sunday

My favorite day of the week has come and gone and so have I. Come and gone that is. After touching down from a much-needed break I am thrust immediately back into the thick of things. The children, the bills, the rabbits, the dishes, the chores, the grass, the van, the laundry, the children..I go to church for the peace.  At this time I am unable to remember the words that were spoken however I remember the emotion that I felt.  There was a feeling of release for me. Tears and joy and comfort and peace. A feeling again that God does and will continue to  provide. My children all three sat with me. My younger son doing his best to pretend like he is listening even thought I know he is bored out of his mind. My daughter sitting right next to me, drawing, coloring, sleeping and asking me if I am ok..I am. My eldest son is looking straight ahead as if in a trance; from the first glance it looks as if he is paying attention; in reality he has been teleported out of his mind and into another dimension. I look at him with the proper disgust of a mother in love with him and the other two. Regardless of what they do or do not know they are confident that I love them.  And I am confident that my children love me. If asked I would suggest that a person sit down and evaluate who is in their inner circle that deserves a big I love you, a hug, a smile, a touch of appreciation and just give it to them, no strings attached.  My children (the boys that is) sometimes cannot navigate themselves out of a paperbag; which is something that I find mind boggling because these same boys who have zero memory can play a game of basketball or soccer with precision, energy and focus. Hmmm go figure. Back to the paper bag analogy, and  I guess for boys all you need to do is throw a ball around and they can remember! Girls need details and follow-up questions and notes – what a difference. God made us all different; boys and girls, men and women, and women and women.  Enjoy this day at 50, retiring  at 55 is ’round the corner. 

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

http://www.yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.examiner.com/motherhood-in-stockton/yolande-barial

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/12489710/article-Her-Voice–To-helmet-or-not-to-helment?instance=home_opinion_lead_story

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

The Royal Wedding

The Royal Wedding, ok? I think I believe people have  lost touch with reality. I was watching and listening to this program where they were talking about all of the excitement that has been generated because of the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. To paint a picture the interviewer began by talking about the wedding of the Prince ‘s father, Prince Charles to Diana which occured in July of 1981. The commentator spoke about the fairytale wedding and wanted to give us a personal feel to the interview by interviewing women who had witnessed the wedding of Prince Charles and Diana in 1981 as little girls.  These adult women began to speak in high pitched tones and bated breath as they described how they made sure they did not fall asleep before the wedding was broadcast. I believe the wedding was broadcast live in 1981. The wedding of William and Kate which is set for April 29, 2011, Saturday will be broadcast live beginning at 3:00 a.m. and the wedding is scheduled to take place at 6:00 a.m. So for the sake of this blog we will say the wedding time of  Charles and Diana could have occured at around this same time. Which meant these little bated breath girls who believe that their Prince will come and swoop them up and marry them, woke up and watched this wedding broadcast at 3:00 a.m.

 Now I like a good wedding as much as anyone, actually what I really like is a good reception; however, the wedding of Charles and Diana did not make me wait with bated breath and stare wide-eyed at the television set to witness their marriage vows spoken. All I could see through my young eyes was that here was this old man marrying a young girl and the bride-to-be, to me, looked scared. I don’t recall that she ever really smiled, the smile of joy; her smile appeared to be one of fear – like a deer caught in the headlights – impending doom.

As I am able to better put the words to the thoughts that I had back then, this wedding reminded me of an arranged marriage. The woman is chosen and has no choice. 

Diana’s wedding was called a fairytale wedding. The train on Diana’s wedding gown was way too long and the prince did not appear to be happy. And no one even partied! What is a wedding without a slamming reception? Well if you are born in my family the reception is what makes the wedding worth attending. Buying the bride and groom a gift is akin to the cover charge at the door before you go into the club to party!

Prince William and Kate Middleton are getting married. The media is calling it another fairytale wedding. These same little girls that stayed up late to see the wedding of Prince Charles and Diana are now preparing their daughters to continue this tradition. There word, not mine.  My phrase would be to consider this a humongous waste of time. Our daughters learn by our example. What we are teaching them is that watching is better than doing. We teach our daughters that if we are shallow they can also be shallow. We teach our daughters that there really is a prince charming and he may not come on a horse however he comes and allows us to have a “Pretty Woman” experience. I am happy for William and for Kate, don’t get me wrong; however wouldn’t it be nice if we as mothers put this kind of time and energy into sharing times, stories and warm hugs with our daughters instead of  laying in front of a television oohing and aahing over a wedding that you were never even invited to in the first place. How about spending this quality time with our girls reading, talking, drawing, laughing and playing.

I think that is what Diana was trying to do, finally– laughing, enjoying, talking and for the first time I think she really loved. Sunday is the day the Lord has made. I will retire at 55 and life – wow, oh wow – it really doesn’t get any better than this.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

http://www.yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.examiner.com/motherhood-in-stockton/yolande-barial

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/12489710/article-Her-Voice–To-helmet-or-not-to-helment?instance=home_opinion_lead_story

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

How Great Thou Art

I sit on the 10th floor alone and in my thoughts I continue to find peace. I believe that is where we are at our best. When given time to just be -whether that be in the gym, in the bed, taking a nap, reading a book, walking, running, hiking, praying – these are the times when we flourish.  As a constant reminder of His presence in my life and as an affirmation of where my greatness comes from I clicked on the yahoo page just to see what was going on in the news.  I see her name linked with his name – Carrie Underwood and Vince Gill. Creative and powerful singers and musicians both.  I have always liked to hear her sing and him play and sing. The guitar strummed correctly and with just the right touch makes my body tingle with warmth – whether in the big strong bass beats or the gentle acoustic beats – I like.  I live for Him and I love Him.  I hope to continue to try do what is right for the rest of my life. To have a mind that constantly works and thinks and is producing something. So that in time when I am called to leave this earth, my children can look to and read and know that their mother loved the Lord, loved them and was loved and in love with a mere mortal man who loved her. God has continued to speak to me in the way I best undersand him.  Music and words. Please enjoy.

http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/ourcountry/94317/carrie-underwoods-how-great-thou-art-moves-the-masses/

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

 http://www.yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.examiner.com/motherhood-in-stockton/yolande-barial

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/12489710/article-Her-Voice–To-helmet-or-not-to-helment?instance=home_opinion_lead_story

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

 http://www.yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.examiner.com/motherhood-in-stockton/yolande-barial

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/12489710/article-Her-Voice–To-helmet-or-not-to-helment?instance=home_opinion_lead_story

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

Easter Sunday

April 24

I woke up with anticipation of the day’s day, Sunday, my favorite. This morning I did not go to service. This morning I awoke to the weather channel, to the sports channel, to Charles Stanley, to the smell of toast and eggs and the aroma of coffee. This morning my mind was thinking and my stomach was jumpy. In preparation for a long awaited vacation; I found that I was unable to relax.   After spending the last week preparing for this day; my children safely kept with family – I am not packed. I am not packed because as a mother and divorced parent my mind is still racing.  Not beginning the day in the customary Sunday slower pace, I could not yet begin until I could get the grace that sustains me.  I hummed, I prayed, I grabbed my laptop, I went downstairs and I wrote. I find that as I write my mind begins to slow down and my brain is rejuvenated. I thank the Lord for all He has done. I can pack now.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445
 

http://www.yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.examiner.com/motherhood-in-stockton/yolande-barial

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/12489710/article-Her-Voice–To-helmet-or-not-to-helment?instance=home_opinion_lead_story

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

Sons

As I sat with my daughter taking down her braids, I hear a crack. My middle son kicked a soccer ball and put a very, very small sized hole in the front glass window of the home; which had already been cracked by my older son tapping on the window with a key. Both of my sons lost their keys to the house. My older son  had his bicycle stolen from his school.  The middle son is a pre-teen and the older son is a teen. Their brains are made of smush and their ability to think past their next breath is often times amazing. I find myself constantly reminding them to do the chores on the chore board and when reminded; they moan, they walk even slower than they normally walk, and they act as if I, their mother, has asked them to run a marathon. The mother who feeds and clothes them and takes them wherever they need to go; as well as to places they want to go.

 They say only a man can teach a boy to be a man. I tend to believe ‘they’.  To have a man willing to step up and teach a boy is a good thing.  As I wipe the right side of my cheek with my thumb, I ponder this man, and think my sons are on their way to knowing that money talks and the other stuff walks.  As a mom I am to give guidance, discipline, consequences and expectations to my children.  These little almost teens will grow up one day and in my mind’s eye I see them taking care of me.  (one can dream) This is one of those times where unconditional love comes into play.  I suspect there will be many more of these days. My daughter is only 9, soon to be 10, I have a feeling that she is going to be more strategic  than the boys. We’ll see.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

http://www.yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.examiner.com/motherhood-in-stockton/yolande-barial

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/12489710/article-Her-Voice–To-helmet-or-not-to-helment?instance=home_opinion_lead_story

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”