Enough

There is something that happens when you decide enough is enough.  At the beginning of the year I decided that I was going to begin 2011 handling the business of Yolande and the kids she loves so much.  I would not call them New Years Resolutions, I would say they are things that I feel must get done for my sanity.  1. I was ready to be in a relationship 2. that I was going to de-clutter the garage, the kids rooms and my room 3. That I was going to have new picture’s framed for the house 4. that I was going to get an article published 4. That I was going to enjoy myself and my children 5. That I was going to write and 6. that I was going to enjoy life.  I am on target and I am proud of myself. 

In order for anything to occur in my life I have to write it down and I have to speak it.  When I write it down, I have to be able to see it in order for the words, the thought, the feeling to become a part of my day-to-day reality.   As I come to the closing weeks of my de-cluttering my bedroom, I look around and have a feeling of accomplishment.  It is in the small goals that we grow.  These little victories allow us to tackle even bigger dreams and one day they will be added to the Yolande victory list. Retiring at 55 is and will be my goal.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

http://www.yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.examiner.com/motherhood-in-stockton/yolande-barial

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/12489710/article-Her-Voice–To-helmet-or-not-to-helment?instance=home_opinion_lead_story

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

Life Lesson

My mother used to say this hurts me more than it hurts you. She said this statement generally when she was spanking one of  us kids or punishing one of us.  At the time, like most children, I believed that this woman was full of  hooeeey, karazy, wacko, loopey and old.  This evening I learned what that statement can mean in the form of my oldest son.  I wasn’t spanking him or punishing him; however, I felt his pain.   The lesson being that life isn’t fair and still life goes on.  I saw my son shed a tear over not starting in the last two basketball games. I heard him explain why he thought he wasn’t starting and that was because he messed up in a tournament a few games ago when he was over excited because his girlfriends parents were in the stands and he was nervous.  Since then he says he has been trying to show the coach that this will never happen again and yet the coach doesn’t appear to get it that he is giving it his all.  He had one bad game and he feels the coach is not playing him because of that.  I don’t know if that is true or not.  As a parent I have my own opinions about this coaches coaching style.  I am not allowed to speak on it at the behest of my son.  I will not speak to the coach.  My son is used to starting and used to playing the entire game.   To be fair to the coach he has only not played my son for the entire game for 2 games and we are still not yet in the season.  This year he has a different coach with a new approach and he has to learn that sports is sports. 

  I want to call the coach and in my best non-defensive and justified mommie manner explain to him what a great boy my 15-year-old is and how responsible and how unlike all of the other boys on his team he is.  I want to tell the coach that he is pained when he has to sit on the bench and that he hurt my sons feelings tonight because of it. He scored when he was in the game and he  always assists other boys on the team to score. I want to tell the coach that my son is the leader of the team and all of the boys look up to him.  I want to tell the coach that my son is the one who gives all of the other boys pep talks.  I cannot say anything to the coach however I did talk to my son.

I told my son to not let anyone’s definition of him define his reality.  I told him that in The Secret you have to believe a thing and then you will attract the thing you believe.  I told him that what you love will love you.  I told him to not think about what you don’t like about the game and don’t like about the coach, but think only about the fact that you love basketball and basketball loves you.  I told him that life isn’t fair however that what you make of it when you continue to remain positive is much better than if you remain negative.  I told him that the minute you have negative thoughts you should shake your head and  shake those thoughts away and begin to think of the love and the good parts of your life.  I told him that it will not be easy and it will take time.  I told him that this is what I do when I am confronted with a life isn’t fair moment.  I shake my head, I cry and then I get back to the business of believing in myself again.  I told him to do as I suggest and I promised him the love of basketball will attract to him.  I believe it.  In The Power Rhonda Byrnes shares differing philosophical views and the common thread on all is that we must not even think about the negative because what we think we attract whether it is for the good or for the bad. So think on the positive and think on the love and positively love will surround you.  http://www.thesecret.tv/ 

I know that my life lessons can only show my son how to move through his life lessons and let him know that I am on his side.  I hurt when he hurts.  I hurt because as mother I cannot fix it.  I can only be the guide and the soft place where my children land. By 55 all that I love will manifest.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

https://yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

A good writer

I have been doing a lot of  mothering, a lot of partying, a lot of loving, a lot of laughing, a lot of thinking, a lot of paying bills, a lot of working at work, a lot of working at home and a lot of  reading and writing and not posting. I have been trying to write the way I have heard others say to write.  Write and save it on your clipboard, read it, edit it and then walk away from what you have read, do something else and come back to it, read it again, edit and then post. Well this may work for some, not for me.  I realized that I just have to write the way that I write and that is simply when I feel the words coming.  I am generally able to feel the thoughts come out at the same time I write the thoughts. I know that when I often times look back at the words that I have written I am astonished that these words in my head appeared on the screen and that I like what I read.  I am a good writer and I so enjoy reading others good writers. Writers that touch me indicate to me that they write from their truth based on their individual life experiences. 

I happen to read an article the other day in The Christian Science Monitor.  Now let me say that this is  a magazine that I have never heard of and at first found it to be a rather large magazine as far as magazines go and it reminded me of a smooth feeling newspaper.  I flipped through this January 24, 2010 edition and read an author that inspired me by what she had written.  Her name is Colleen Shaddox, I know nothing about her. As a matter of fact I haven’t even googled her. However just in the reading of her article entitled “A color-free childhood” I knew that she was real. She talks about her mother and her inability to embrace colors of any kind other than white being painted on the walls of the home. She talked about how she was the one in the family who loved color and how she painted her room in differing colors. Her mother didn’t like it. She said that when she finally was able to purchase her own house with her husband she painted their bedroom deep sage. Her mother came to visit and didn’t like it. She didn’t care.  Read it if you can find it.  Now this is just an ordinary story to some; however to me what it did was solidify how I feel about my mother.  I love her and yet we are so different in our abilities to relate to new situations that I often times become frustrated and irritated and just don’t want to hear yet another negative thing about someone. What this article showed me is that we cannot help what or who our parents were or have become; we have to honor them for giving us life. Giving us the life that we need to criticize them and look down at them and assume they no absolutely nothing.  Our mothers have had to navigate their lives the best way they know how; often times with much less introspective information that we have today. Today we mothers realize that when it is time to shut it down – we must. We realize that all conversation is not necessary. We see the value in rest which sustains us to yet do a lot of thing another day and another day and one more another day. I commend all of the colleen’s, yolande’s and teresa’s who have had to learn that being different is a gift. A gift that our mothers gave us by their example of rigidity of remaining in the ‘back in my day in their ideas. Thank you mother for this time when I am a good writer who will retire at 55 and continue remaining one within myself introspective, spiritual and fruitful.

 Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

https://yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

Sunday’s Leaves

I realize that today’s date is Wednesday however I would be remiss if I let another day go by without mentioning my favorite day – Sunday. I woke up a little tired; however anticipating  the day.  I had two extra children, friends of my children who slept over, and one sister along with my regular passenger – grandma.  We were at service early and I was ready.  The visiting preacher spoke about the vine and the branches as told in John 15:1-8.  He titled his message of The Vine of Unity.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2015:1-8&version=NIV

He talked about how the vine has to be rooted near a water source, so that it can bear branches which then bears fruit. He then explained that the vine does not bear fruit, only the branches can bear fruit. The branches will only bear fruit if the vine nourishes the branches. For me this is one of those moments when I smile. When I hear something that I have heard  a million times; however this time the insight is clear as if it I had received the instructions on how to put this thought together typed and presented to me. The fruit does not necessarily have to be an apple, a pear or a peach; fruit can also be leaves.

“Leaves provide trees with all their food because they turn sunlight into food energy. Chlorophyll makes this energy transformation possible.  Leaves also make the oxygen in the air that we breathe.Chlorophyll is a pigment found in the cells of leaves which is formed only in the presence of light and is the substance that colors plants green.  Chorophyll is contained in chloroplasts and has the property of capturing light energy.http://www.butler.edu/herbarium/treeid/treeparts.html

What this tells me is that the leaf feeds the branches and they allow us to breathe the air. The water nourishes the vine. The light is in the sky. The light becomes energy which energizes the vine which begins the process all over again.Vine to branch to leaf. Life. The source of all fruit and of all leaves is the vine. The vine is God. He is our source and our supply.  As long as we stay grounded in His word we can’t help but to produce fruit. As a people we are to be united in His word.

As we grow older our leaves wither, die, disconnect from the source and fall to the ground. They become the compost that continues to nourish the soil wher the tree is planted and the vine grows and branches emerge and fruit is born.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

https://yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

Grateful

I was listening to Joyce Meyer this morning and she mentioned how we grumble about things that once we were excited about having.  She then spoke about the Exodus of the Israelites out of Egypt. I, of course, have heard about this story; known it was in the Bible, skimmed the Bible text and even seen the movie where Charlton Heston plays Moses in The Ten Commandments – I knew about this story!!  The depiction of Moses (aka Charlton) raising his staff and parting the Red Sea still gives me the feel-good heebiejeebies.  I love this movie. Well this morning when Joyce mentioned it, it was different, perhaps it was time that I got it. What it made me do was to go into the scripture and read it for myself.

search.barnesandnoble.com/…God…/JoyceMeyer/e/9781410401496

Exodus 15 – 20. Here are people who have been tortured and enslaved for many, many years and finally they have been led out of a terrible situation into one where there is a possibility of a better life. They begin to walk, following one man (Moses) and soon are being chased by the Egyptians. Here is the miracle that is to top them all – Moses parts the Red Sea by raising his staff (aka stick, cane, something to lean on when walking and to keep the sheep/the american public from falling off the cliff) and keeping it in the air and as he does this, the sea splits in two and forms two columns of water, the Israelites walk through the sea/water on dry land and get to the other side of the sea without so much as a drop of water on their person. When Moses lowers his staff (aka stick, cane, something to lean on when walking and to keep the sheep/the american public from falling off the cliff) the column of waters come crashing down and the Egyptians that were pursuing them and who are in the midst of the Red Sea – all die, they get wet.  Now who wouldn’t be happy and blessed and excited and in such awe as these people? They saw it and lived it and know that only a God-inspired person could’ve done this. Well and oh my, it wouldn’t be the Israelites because after a few more days of being in the desert, they (those who just walked through the sea) begin to grumble and complain to Moses because they are hungry. So what does God do? He gives the grumblers (aka Israelites/american public) quail and manna (meat and bread); every day just enough food for that day and no more. The next day would take care of itself – there is a supply of food for each day. The quail  appear in the evening and the manna comes in the morning and looks like white dew on the ground. They were overjoyed again and praised the God of Moses, just like the last time when they crossed into and out of the Red Sea. Then they grumble some more and ask Moses for water and they get that! Moses strikes the rock with his staff and water comes out of it. They drink. The story goes on from there to the delivering of the Ten Commandments. I mean people this is some good stuff!!!  Read it and see for yourself. 

What I want to emphasize is the ungratefulness of the people then and now. How many times have we, well let me speak for me. How many times have I been so ungrateful for the things that I have right in front of me.  Things that without His grace would not have happened. There have been many times when I have asked God to help me with this challenge or with this got-to-have-dream-right-now and He has supplied it and then after a very short time in my timeline-for-asking-for-things-and-gettin’ it, I want something more and better and bigger and well, just different. I can be one of the most selfish humans alive when it comes down to feeling poor pitiful me – why can’t I have this or once I get it, why do I have to do that. The manna/the quail that God gives me daily really will supply all of my needs.  I remember wanting to stop drinking , I remember almost being raped, I remember creating my own businesses, I remember wanting to be married, I remember wanting to buy a house, I remember wanting a son to name after my father who was dying, I remember wanting another child, I remember being pregnant with a girl, I remember wanting to get a divorce, I remember writing a God-inspired poem, I remember my first piece published, I remember my first aha moment, I remember good times in church and at home, I remember graduating from Xavier University, I remember the psoriasis that is much better, I remember good friends’ smiles and good friends’ hugs, I remember all of the good that God has blessed me to have. I remember the pain and the humiliation and the condescending tones and out-right attacks on my person. I don’t dwell on them though, I remember the past.

I remain eternally grateful that as a woman who will retire at 55 the grumbling has come to a minimum. I want us to be able to say out loud that no amount of fighting with my spouse/who is my manna, no amount of kids totally working your very last nerve/who are the quail, no amount of boss irritation/who is water or coworker intrusion/more water, no amount of the house I live in that needs a new roof/my manna and a new fence/my manna, no amount of constant negative media bombardment/ tepid water, no amount of job losses/was quail, no amount of foreclosures/was my manna – no amount of any of this, is to compare with the gratitude I feel for what God has shown me.  I am not going to look back. I am grateful for the bread/manna and the quali/meat and the water/water that He provides. I will continue to go forward in my walk with Him, learning something every single day. He walks with me and with my children and with you.  He keeps me when I don’t have a clue how to keep my sanity. He is alive. 

www.oprah.com/oprahradio/The-Magic-of-Gratitude

What is the manna/quail/water in my life that keeps me so well fed and hydrated that I become distracted that God has already provided all that I need and I really do no need more? Be grateful for what you have my dear Yolande and for what you have come through.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

http:/yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com  

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.

Fear

This morning I woke up and listened to Joyce Meyer followed by Creflo Dollar.  What I remember came from Creflo. What he said about fear made me stop walking around and stare at the television set. I then immediately ran around looking for a pen to write his words down. He said, “You cannot continue to pour fear into people and call it news!” I was clapping in my room all by myself. He than added that if you were to close the media down for 6 months, meaning no “news” reported  – it would change the direction that we as community and country are headed in. I believe that we as the adults should take a hard look on what we are allowing to enter into our eyes, our ears and our brains. It reminds me of being brainwashed.  We know that it works.  We see the aftermath when the police question a person who they think committed a crime for hours and hours and hours. The person is then allowed to leave after he has signed a confession and explained what happened and who was involved.   We see it when we tell our children that they are smart and can do anything and these children begin to manifest their own inner ability to solve, to correct and to study.

Creflo believes that if the media would report the good that happens daily and celebrate the joys of life we would see a change in everyone’s attitude and I think in the economy.

http://store.creflodollarministries.org/p-8231-living-fear-free.aspx

Lately I have had to make some decisions that are uncomfortable and the fear is that I may be throwing away something, or not able to complete something and yet what I know deep down on the inside is that this is fear – false evidence appearing real – and just like that it will pass.  And when it does, I will come out on the other side knowing that this has passed and I have grown again and again.  This process repeats itself.  Only when we as a society; as a people, stand up and say we are not going to take this anymore will it change. Retiring at 55.  Alright now.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose

Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

http://yolandebarial.w://ordpress.com/

http//www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

Homework and the Parent

After having a whirlwind of a weekend filled with a lot of everything and a whole mess of partying this now 50-year-old had to touch down! And I did, yesterday, Tuesday, the realization came back to these aching feet from wearing pumps all night and dancing and hugging and kissing and flirting that I am a parent. Boo hoo, yep I am back.  Homework and three lovely children whooshed me back from Neverland and after working a full 8 hour day, sitting in traffic for about 3.5 hours to and from the office and coming home to 3 children each with something for me to sign, different color papers that had to be read and initialed and filled out and tales of how hard the 4th, the 6th and the 10th grade are already. As I listened and looked I surveyed the house – shoes in the living room,backpacks on the floor, empty water bottles and empty orange juice containers on the dining room table, pencils on the floor, clothes in the laundry basket in the middle of the floor in my oldest son’s rooms, Donny and Jimmy; our rabbits, are hungry and so are the fish – all 6 of these pets stare at me, my plants in the backyard need water, the carpet needs to be cleaned, are any bills due this week, my feet hurt, my daughter needs to brush her teeth, my middle son has grown taller since I left this morning, and wait just a minute is that a dirty sock over there in that corner????  My daughter’s whining brings me immediately back from this harried scene; she cannot find the word tablet in the dictionary and she is just about to get on my very last nerves! I breathe in and out, I explained to her again how to use the dictionary and started again with the question do you know your alphabets? I have to show and tell my daughter and I cannot do either until she stops whining and crying. Just the sound of that whine reminds me of the fingernail screeching down a blackboard – it makes my skin crawl.  After she stops screechingly whining, I begin again to explain how to find a word in the dictionary. I tell her to look at the top of the page at the word in bold. When the bold word is on the far left on the top of the page it indicates that this bold word is the first word on the left side of the column on that page. I then take my finger and point to the bold word and let her see it and then I show it to her. She says ok. I then tell her that the word to the left in bold of the word on the right in bold,  is found on the very bottom of that page in the right column. She says ok. I then tell her to begin with the first 3 letters and find those first 3 letters on the top right of the page in bold word and then from there look at the top left word in bold.  If the 4th letter in the word  in question; after the first 3 letters is found on that page the word is there somewhere. Use your finger and use it to scroll slowly down the page to find the word tablet. Voila! Huh now that I have totally confused my little girl – let the whining begin again.  After a few more of these over-explained explanations on how to use the dictionary – she gets it!!! By then, this now 50-year-old is wiped out, exhausted and tuckered. The whiner, a.k.a., my lovely daughter, completes the assignment about 30 minutes after her 9 p.m. bedtime.  She takes a bath and gets into the bed. I am wired and irritated and feeling a little whiney myself. I still had some bills to pay and yet I had to write which is what I did. I wrote last night and I write tonight. The bills aren’t due til the 21st. I will mail them out tomorrow. I had to write.

My middle son came home around 8:30 p.m. from soccer practice. He exclaimed that he grew taller since this morning and now he can stand eye-to-eye to me and then he looked me in the eye. I smiled, he is close.  I think he is right, he did grow. Hn eats a light dinner and then proclaims that he has about 3 different assignments that have to be done tonight. He is in his room.

My older son had weight training, came home and did his homework, he is now putting up the dishes and emptying the dining room table from all boxes, empty water and juice containers and any other scrap whatchamacallit that gets placed on the dining room table to take out to the garbage caontainer some time during the week or at least that is what I think the kids think they are supposed to do.

Homework is meant for children who already know what they are supposed to be doing, it is not meant for moms and dads who have been up since 5 ion the morning and have not stopped until she started writing this blog. Retiring at 55 is looking better and better. At the rate I am going, I suspect I will use the first 6 months of the 55th year just laying in the bed reading all of the Oprah, Essence, Time, Southern Living and books; too many to name, that I had not had the time to read while I was doing homework.

 Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose
Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

https://yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

 ybarial@gmail.com

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers all sisters, young and seasoned, to become on-purpose for themselves.”