Not Yet

I wrote re-al-it-y on Friday night and thought I had hit publish.  Well it turns out I did not.  So my re-al-it-y on January 29th ended up being viewed tonight, Sunday. This is the day that the Lord has made.  I will retire at 55 by writing.

This weekend was productive and fulfilling. My freezer died on me and for about 1 day and a half it was just cool.  The Sears guy came out and replaced one part to the tune of $250.00 and of course it worked.  I spen Saturday cleaning the freezer, grocery shopping and of course washing clothes and being Mom Taxi. My plumbing at my rental was completed and it ran $6,700.00.  I can say that this 2 weeks has allowed me to realize that a blessing is coming. (smile) Why, cause I have certainly been tested!!  Today I felt a wave of emotion when I had a memory of pain that I felt when someone I loved turned away from me.  It appears that that pain is so very close to me that it is something that I have yet to overcome.  A sadness came over me in a wave of pain that hurt.  I mean really hurt. Here I was looking at someone who I thought loved me and well perhaps they did.  But not in the way that feels like love to me.  I realized as I sat down that nothing had changed and their experiences and mine are not compatible.  I realize that through prayer all things are possible.  I realized that love sometimes is just not enough to sustain 2 people when both peoples loves are different and the manifestation of that difference touches neither’s soul intimately. This is where the “not yet” comes in.

Sis. L.  spoke this morning, Women’s Sunday.  The Women’s Choir sang and it felt good.  Sis. L. spoke about Isaiah 26:3-4 which says that He will keep you in perfect peace when you trust in the Lord. She spoke about when we speak praise in the atmosphere the devil is unhappy because he works on the outside of us.  By speaking praise, honoring His name and saying out loud what we want – we disrupt the atmosphere and thereby disrupt the devil. We have to take command over our flesh, over our words, over our actions.  No one else can do that by us.  She said that we may not have whatever we want “yet” however  our God is able.  She made me and the POC family think about the fact that we do in fact have the victory and she made me think about all of the things that I don’t have “yet”.  Retirement is coming and I do not “yet” have enough money to retire on and take care of my children but it is coming.  She is a woman who I know from church who is extremely grounded in His word. When she speaks you feel it. She tells you stories of her struggles with her children, how the Lord came and saved one of her children when she asked HIm.  I cried, she cried and so did everyone who heard her. She said that our jobs, the money are just resources – God is our rock eternal. He will supply all of our needs.  He does. He may not come when we want him however He is always right on time.  No matter when He shows up – He shows up.

I know that I already know that in order to learn anything we must first grow through some kind of growing pains and I learned that while we let the cut heal it hurts; however hurt to heal it must. I just want to really really really know so that I won’t hurt. Well,  I hurt and it lets me know I am healing. I still have a way to go.


I want to retire at 55.  I will.  I want my children to be successful in whatever they pursue. I want them to believe in the Lord that supplies our needs, I want them to be good citizens and moral people with the fiber and the internal fortitude to sustain the inevitable winds that will come.  I want them to dream daily, meet their own written down goals and I want them to always view the glass as half full. 

My re-al-i-ty allows me to take the mask off of my eyes and realize that my life although not perfect is wonderful for me and for my children.  I have a job that allows me to take care of my children, I have a nice home that I own and pay for all by my little lonesome, I have a network of friends and family that sometimes amazes me, I am blessed with a good church and a strong belief that God is in my life. My real-i-ty tells me that there are going to be times when I don’t know how it is going to work out I just stand on the words that I read in my bible that if he did it for them he will do it for me.  I just have to stand at the red sea and walk through and it will part.  

My work week has been intense.  My boss has been gone for a week and I have worked my booty off doing my job and his job.  My son had a game yesterday and my 11-year-old had an D.A.R.E. graduation ceremony at the same time.  I couldn’t do both, so I went to the 11 year olds graduation.  He was so proud of himself and he received the Community Service award.   He is my quiet child and I love him muchos. Tonight I went to my older sons game, then took my daughter to brownie’s came home took a shower and now I sit and think about blogging.  I am happy.

It’s Wednesday

Hump Day! And an extremely busy hump day it was!  My real good friend and coworker and partner in crime of all things ‘fun’ was hospitalized last night because she was having chest pains. I was afraid for her. I am sure she was also. I am learning more and more the older I get and the longer I live I realize the importance of  life and time and the ability to begin anew.  I will miss her when she retires because she reminds me of me now and the me I see in her I hope to have at 66.  My retirement at 55 is a-coming. Her retirement in June is also coming.

 Today was also the State of the Union Address given by my President. I  know, I know he is our president and Michelle’s man; however it makes me feel a sense of ownership when I call him My President.  I say it with the high pitch cuteness one hears in the voices of grown women when a baby comes into the office. And the baby smiles, giggles, blows spit bubbles, burps or farts.  We think the baby is soooo cute. My President spoke abut differences and the fact that even though they exist, we must find a way to make it work for the common good. If the Lord doesn’t continue to bring up our pasts then why can’t we? Today I thought of my friend all day and even though we are a lot alike we are different.  She is white and I am black.  She is a lesbian in a committed 20 year relationship and I am straight, divorced and raising 3 children alone. She appears to be financially sound and I am trying to get sound. Our individualities make us each unique; our individual ways of expressing  joy, excitement, sadnesses and disgust are dffferent.  She eats ‘tata chips like a puppy chomping on popcorn – smacking with head back so the chips/popcorn won’t come out of her mouth.  I curse, she does not.   She quilts, I admire her quilting.  We both write, we both love to organize and delegate, we are both kind, considerate and compassionate women who put action behind our remarks, we admit when we are wrong, we have mothers who make us better and stronger women and sisters in our lives that are equally as strong as we.  She is seen as nice, I am a little high strung. We worship God in different ways – we believe in the betterment of all.  We are different, our goals is common. 

Like My President Obama we want our children’s future to be brighter and better and I think between the 2 of us we oughta’  be able to work something out.  She called me today and she is fine, was being released today.  While we were on the phone giggling about her eventful hospital stay her cardiologist walked in the room.  She immediately said I have to go my cardiologist is walking in the room! I said is he single and she said “you can steal him! ” That’s my girl!

Is it Wednesday yet?

I had the usual unbelievably busy Monday.  Once a month I have to work until about 10 p.m. because  I am the secretary responsible for setting up and taking minutes for a meeting of one of the citizen committee’s at my office.  I actually like the meeting because the members are interesting men and women who care about the land, the animals and wildlife of the state of California. They put action behind their words and actually attend meetings and participate in policy discussions on their own time.  They are volunteers who are definitely not paid in money however their passion pays them in massive doses. They love it and the ideas and comments and knowledge that is sitting in those rooms is astounding to me.  I have always loved learning and take the opportunity to learn whenever and wherever I am.  I can sit in an interesting class about anything that interests me. I love to sit and listen to people talk about what makes them happy, what completes them.   I listened to a c coworker talk about scrapbooking and by the time she finished she I felt like running down to Michaels and purchasing all of the stuff to scrapbook, another coworker spoke about rowing and how much she enjoys it.  I am not a fan of any kind of boat however after she finished describing the discipline and the way the water makes her feel I felt like signing up for a boating class that afternoon. 

My passions are many.  My God, children, my writing and my family. ?Work is not my passion however when I am there for my 7.5 hours a day (except this once a month which is 13 hours) I am passionate about it.  In order to be efficient my passion extends into my organization and when given the opportunity to schedule my day my way – I am extremely organised and passionate.  That is my continual need, desire to be in control.

My children have gotten it.  They are organized and they are managing to complete tasks without me having to do any of the patrolling like I did last week.  Amazing what a difference  a few days can make.   Their punishment was not to be able to see their favorite friends on the weekend.   Well that appeared to be all it took.  Pray for me that they keep up their good work.

My control of things – well one of my diva girlfriends said and I quote “you do run a pretty tight ship.” The first time she said that I was shocked and a little hurt.  I mean really, just because I make the kids keep a schedule, they are not allowed to talk back or curse, they have to go to church and participate in something at the church, they have chores and they must say please and thank you and do their homework. This allows me time to spend reading with them and talking to them.  I made myself a promise to spend a minimum of 30 minutes per child per day with them.  This slows me down and they so enjoy just talking with me without their sibling butting in every 10 minutes.  

Yolande Barial

What have I been doing waiting for the elusive hump day – Wednesday?  Thanks to my writing coach Teresa LeYungRyan  Teresa has just published a 22-day playbook , “Build Your Name, Beat the Game: Be Happily Published”, I have been writing and reading ! I am now an official red room author.  I am working real hard for my retirement at the early age of 55.

Trouble Won’t Last Always

This is the day that the Lord Has Made.  The pastor began with Psalm 34 where David begins by saying I will praise the Lord at all times. He then talks about that when you seek the Lord he will deliver you from fear.  NOT from the thing from which you are afraid, but from the fear of the thing.  Now that is far different from what most of us want.  Well, maybe not you, me. 

I had a weekend where I was mom taxi again.  I loved it this time.  Saturday I spent the day driving to UC Berkeley where my 14-year-old was accepted into an entrepreneurial program during his 8th grade year at the HAAS School of Business.  They meet monthly for the next 4 years.  A great program for him that he really enjoys and one that has exposed him to an amazing group of local business people who have made it and exposure to the campus and the students and the professors who give their time to talk to these young people.  My other children came with me and my second son wanted to go and hang out with one of his long time buddies (they are 11 now) that lives in Oakland.  They had of course already arranged the visit so both his mom and I just said ok and I dropped him off. He was in heaven.  My daughter who had announced to me last week that she wanted to spend time alone with just she and I.  She of course added that she wanted to go to McDonald’s and eat and then she could play.  I said it sounds like I am getting the raw end of the deal and she said not we can just talk me and you.  That is what we did.  She talked and I talked, we looked into each other’s eyes and she seemed so happy for me to pay attention to her only.  After she had eaten her 2 McGriddles she went to play and I opened my book and I was in heaven.  A whole hour uninterrupted – I was able to read!!  She came back every 10 minutes or so to get a drink and after the 3rd trip back she came with a friend.  My daughter meets other children so easily.  They bounded back and she took a sip and her friend took a sip from her grandmother’s table (who was also in heaven – you have no idea unless you have one how much a little girl can talk and talk and talk). They both bounced back to the play structure and I got back into my book Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean M. Auel.  My sister turned me on to this book and I love it!   This writer can write about drinking water and I promise you by the time you finished reading her description your thirst will have been quenched.

I say all of this to say that my fear over being alone, over the money that I have to pay for the plumbing, over the things that I cannot control subsided.  HIs angels have surrounded me and managed to give me comfort.  I  think of the Haitian people sleeping in the streets, of the mothers who cannot feed their children, of the children who have lost a parent,  of all the homes and businesses that are destroyed and the fathers who feel helpless and then my little problems are well just little. Psalm 34 adds to taste and see that the Lord is good blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him. This reminds me to put all things in perspective.

I write  to retire at 55 and I write for comfort, for peace, for my sanity and because I love it. God has blessed me with this ability to write and blessings given must be used.  I honor the Lord with my gift of gratitude for not only this gift, also my 3 children who are unique and individually gifted.

Hope for Haiti   There is a will to survive and to be and do mo’ better.  I am deeply humbled that our media that just last week was wasting their time on what were Jay and Conan going to do, who did Tiger sleep with and  Palin is she really going to be on FOX.  These very same people now have stepped up to the plate and are doing the right thing.  I am almost amazed that what I am seeing and hearing is true.  I shouldn’t be.  Our God always finds a way to get us to listen.  Yes, times are hard here  in the U.S., yet they are harder there. An earthquake of this magnitude was devastating to the people and their country.  These are the same people we put back into their boats when they tried to come to our country and like it or not that same boat we pushed back we are now bringing it back to them. With arms extended saying we are here to help you and we are so sorry.  In the midst of sorrow and of grief, the human spirit is called upon to rise to the occasion and act out the meaning of what it really is to be humane, to be an American, to be a human being who is be-ing.


Today was a good day.  My children did what they were supposed to do! I know, I know only been a few days but I praised them as if they had been good all week. It worked. Tonight my middle son read his 30 minutes with ease, put up the dishes and emptied the garbage! My oldest son put in the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and did all of his homework before basketball practice. My daughter didn’t get benched because it was rainy day recess however she did finish the work, and even had done her Thursday homework before I came home from work! Then she told me before she went to sleep that she was ging to keep up the good work.  I said great!

At work I was able to complete all of my taks and my bosses. He has gone on vacation until the beginning of February.  It was a rainy day and it was a perfect day to be inside and be productive.