Out of the mouths

My children are challenging and loveable.  I never know when I am going to hear them tell me that I am a good mom and ask for a kiss or whether they are going to tell me that they are tired and go to their rooms and close the door. Either reaction is what I am accustomed to and for the most part it does not bother me, as long as they close the door politely, I am cool with it.  As parent(s) we spend so much time worrying about our children’s feelings, keeping  them preoccupied with the latest gizmo that they have no time to actually sit down and hear their thoughts, and chat with their siblings or their parent.  Every child and many, many adults I know might as well live as an ostrich with its head in the sand.  We have to look up and then do something.  We, as parent, need to set the bar and set it high. Mediocrity is not in my vocabulary for my children.  I want them to be and do better than me and I strongly believe they will. They are children not afraid to try, not afraid to complete, an are ok academically. What you speak you  believe.  There is a saying that states that  a majority of what you hear other people say means nothing compared to what you hear yourself say about yourself.  After hearing that statement some goo gobs of years ago, I made up in mind that my children would hear that I was excited and in love with them and that I think they are smart, beautiful, handsome, a good boy and girl and that knew they were all going to college one day and that was that.

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers all sisters, young and seasoned, to become on-purpose for themselves.”

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose
Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

http://www.yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.examiner.com/motherhood-in-stockton/yolande-barial

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/12489710/article-Her-Voice–To-helmet-or-not-to-helment?instance=home_opinion_lead_story

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

Enough

There is something that happens when you decide enough is enough.  At the beginning of the year I decided that I was going to begin 2011 handling the business of Yolande and the kids she loves so much.  I would not call them New Years Resolutions, I would say they are things that I feel must get done for my sanity.  1. I was ready to be in a relationship 2. that I was going to de-clutter the garage, the kids rooms and my room 3. That I was going to have new picture’s framed for the house 4. that I was going to get an article published 4. That I was going to enjoy myself and my children 5. That I was going to write and 6. that I was going to enjoy life.  I am on target and I am proud of myself. 

In order for anything to occur in my life I have to write it down and I have to speak it.  When I write it down, I have to be able to see it in order for the words, the thought, the feeling to become a part of my day-to-day reality.   As I come to the closing weeks of my de-cluttering my bedroom, I look around and have a feeling of accomplishment.  It is in the small goals that we grow.  These little victories allow us to tackle even bigger dreams and one day they will be added to the Yolande victory list. Retiring at 55 is and will be my goal.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose
Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

http://www.yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.examiner.com/motherhood-in-stockton/yolande-barial

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/12489710/article-Her-Voice–To-helmet-or-not-to-helment?instance=home_opinion_lead_story

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

Mother’s Law

 Proverbs 6:20-23 (NIV)

²⁰ My son, keep your father’s command
   and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
²¹ Bind them always on your heart;
   fasten them around your neck.
²² When you walk, they will guide you;
   when you sleep, they will watch over you;
   when you awake, they will speak to you.
²³ For this command is a lamp,
   this teaching is a light,
and correction and instruction
   are the way to life,

I woke up this morning as usual anticipating a good day.  It is Sunday and Mother’s Day. I woke up in love and loved. Children happy, Charles Stanley in the background and the words of Eminem coming from downstairs. 

The pastors message of course centered on mothers. He entitled his sermon, Mother’s Law and he used the scripture above from Proverbs.  I had one of the many aha moments that I have when I am in church.  The scripture says to keep your fathers commands and mothers teaching and the difference in these 2 words describes the differences in how children respond to their father and to their mother.  Webster.com says that a command means to direct authoritatively (order) and to exercise a dominating influence over; whereas, teach means to cause to know something, to cause to know how and to accustom to some action or attitude.  The differences in these word symbolizes to me the differences in the roles of  fathers and mothers and explains why children react differently to what a mother tells them to do and what a father tells them to do. It explains why when dad says something he only has to say it once and the action immediately is stopped. When moms say something the action rarely if ever stops immediately. In my case my children each with their own personalities never stop in the same way. My oldest who is the comedian in the family is also considered the most laid back and non-reactionary generally gives me the thumbs up and says I got it mom. This never results in anything other than the movement of the thumb in the up direction. My middles son reacts as if I have interrupted him and he is clearly irritated. His response to my request is always followed by at least one of the following: I’m tired mom, why do I have to do it, huh, ooookkkkk, I’m in the bathroom, followed by a lot of  blowing and exhaling.  My daughter’s responses varies depending on what time it is. If I ask her to do something in the morning, she will say ok and go back to sleep, if I ask her around noon she says ok and continues to watch tv with her door closed, if it is in the afternoon she is tired and if it is in the evening she says in a minute mom.  As moms we teach our children everything from how to nurse to how to drive car and they require patience. Patience is indeed what it takes to be a mother. That is why we are the teachers scripturally and in the times in which we live.  

Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose
Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445 

http://www.yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.examiner.com/motherhood-in-stockton/yolande-barial

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/12489710/article-Her-Voice–To-helmet-or-not-to-helment?instance=home_opinion_lead_story

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

Missed Sunday

My favorite day of the week has come and gone and so have I. Come and gone that is. After touching down from a much-needed break I am thrust immediately back into the thick of things. The children, the bills, the rabbits, the dishes, the chores, the grass, the van, the laundry, the children..I go to church for the peace.  At this time I am unable to remember the words that were spoken however I remember the emotion that I felt.  There was a feeling of release for me. Tears and joy and comfort and peace. A feeling again that God does and will continue to  provide. My children all three sat with me. My younger son doing his best to pretend like he is listening even thought I know he is bored out of his mind. My daughter sitting right next to me, drawing, coloring, sleeping and asking me if I am ok..I am. My eldest son is looking straight ahead as if in a trance; from the first glance it looks as if he is paying attention; in reality he has been teleported out of his mind and into another dimension. I look at him with the proper disgust of a mother in love with him and the other two. Regardless of what they do or do not know they are confident that I love them.  And I am confident that my children love me. If asked I would suggest that a person sit down and evaluate who is in their inner circle that deserves a big I love you, a hug, a smile, a touch of appreciation and just give it to them, no strings attached.  My children (the boys that is) sometimes cannot navigate themselves out of a paperbag; which is something that I find mind boggling because these same boys who have zero memory can play a game of basketball or soccer with precision, energy and focus. Hmmm go figure. Back to the paper bag analogy, and  I guess for boys all you need to do is throw a ball around and they can remember! Girls need details and follow-up questions and notes – what a difference. God made us all different; boys and girls, men and women, and women and women.  Enjoy this day at 50, retiring  at 55 is ’round the corner. 

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose
Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

http://www.yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.examiner.com/motherhood-in-stockton/yolande-barial

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/12489710/article-Her-Voice–To-helmet-or-not-to-helment?instance=home_opinion_lead_story

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

Easter Sunday

April 24

I woke up with anticipation of the day’s day, Sunday, my favorite. This morning I did not go to service. This morning I awoke to the weather channel, to the sports channel, to Charles Stanley, to the smell of toast and eggs and the aroma of coffee. This morning my mind was thinking and my stomach was jumpy. In preparation for a long awaited vacation; I found that I was unable to relax.   After spending the last week preparing for this day; my children safely kept with family – I am not packed. I am not packed because as a mother and divorced parent my mind is still racing.  Not beginning the day in the customary Sunday slower pace, I could not yet begin until I could get the grace that sustains me.  I hummed, I prayed, I grabbed my laptop, I went downstairs and I wrote. I find that as I write my mind begins to slow down and my brain is rejuvenated. I thank the Lord for all He has done. I can pack now.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose
Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445 

http://www.yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.examiner.com/motherhood-in-stockton/yolande-barial

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/12489710/article-Her-Voice–To-helmet-or-not-to-helment?instance=home_opinion_lead_story

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

Sons

As I sat with my daughter taking down her braids, I hear a crack. My middle son kicked a soccer ball and put a very, very small sized hole in the front glass window of the home; which had already been cracked by my older son tapping on the window with a key. Both of my sons lost their keys to the house. My older son  had his bicycle stolen from his school.  The middle son is a pre-teen and the older son is a teen. Their brains are made of smush and their ability to think past their next breath is often times amazing. I find myself constantly reminding them to do the chores on the chore board and when reminded; they moan, they walk even slower than they normally walk, and they act as if I, their mother, has asked them to run a marathon. The mother who feeds and clothes them and takes them wherever they need to go; as well as to places they want to go.

 They say only a man can teach a boy to be a man. I tend to believe ‘they’.  To have a man willing to step up and teach a boy is a good thing.  As I wipe the right side of my cheek with my thumb, I ponder this man, and think my sons are on their way to knowing that money talks and the other stuff walks.  As a mom I am to give guidance, discipline, consequences and expectations to my children.  These little almost teens will grow up one day and in my mind’s eye I see them taking care of me.  (one can dream) This is one of those times where unconditional love comes into play.  I suspect there will be many more of these days. My daughter is only 9, soon to be 10, I have a feeling that she is going to be more strategic  than the boys. We’ll see.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose
Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

http://www.yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.examiner.com/motherhood-in-stockton/yolande-barial

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/12489710/article-Her-Voice–To-helmet-or-not-to-helment?instance=home_opinion_lead_story

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

The Pea Patch

Sunday my favorite day is here and I am grateful.  The kids and I had one of those weekends that I would say was productive.  My 3 children, who are absolutely fabulous were all punished.   Yep no cell phones all weekend. This is the first time I have ever, ever done this!  The eldest son brought home 2 D’; one in English and one in Spanish-2, the younger son brought home a D in math and my daughter decided that she was going to blatantly refuse my request to see her spelling words by refusing to take them out of her backpack while we were driving to school – I decided it was time to exercise some tough love. I had already been in training for this new phase of my life and of their lives; for several months and it just so happened it all came to fruition at the perfect time for it to be enacted. 

 My sweetie bought and brought us a white board that he posted in the kitchen. Here  is where I proceeded to put up a calendar and to write chores for each child  for all to see. As I write, I should probably put up the penalties for infractions, hmm. Anywho, the good thing about these grades is that they can be pulled up and better get pulled up.  The 3 loves of my life, have 2 months to do so and I have no doubt that it will happen. I take some responsibility in that they have been so busy with school, social stuff and sports and I have also been busy making sure they accopmplish all of their schedule and busy on my own schedule; the house has been fruiful and yet a little over booked, that I have not checked their homework and have been signing their agenda’s believing that everything has been done.  Well, I am back now.

My older son was disappointed in himself and graciously turned over his cell phone, my middle son was not so gracious; he began negotiating for the cell phone’s return within the hours following retrieval, and my daughter did not appear concerned at all – she simply asked why I was taking the phone and once I reminded her of her beahvior that Friday orning, that was all she seemed to need. I then proceeded to have a private, no yelling, talk with each one of them alone, about my expectations and what I needed from them. I was stern and loving and my boys did make up school work, cleaned their rooms, went through old clothes and shoes to give to Goodwill,  performed their regular chores and seemed to enjoy not being tethered to their cell phones. My daughter did the same along with exercising with me, and then playing with one of her dear friends in the afternoon – the laughed, they sang and they danced and teased each other and even made me a picture our of some kind of fake diamond thingee’s – cute.  I was able to enjoy the down time and uncluttered my room and cleaned the house and even cleaned the ceiling fans for the first time since I have lived in this house.  Wow and yuk at the same time!

The reverend that spoke this morning was one who doesn’t preach that often. He spoke about 2 Samuel.

2 Samuel 23:11-12 (New King James Version)

11 And after him was Shammah the son of Agee the Hararite. The Philistines had gathered together into a troop where there was a piece of ground full of lentils. So the people fled from the Philistines. 12 But he stationed himself in the middle of the field, defended it, and killed the Philistines. So the LORD brought about a great victory.

The sermon title was The Pea Patch.  It is a simple message.  Shammah was one of  the 37 warriors of  King David.  He was the only one who stood in the field of lentils which was the food for the people. http://www.agricultureguide.org/how-to-grow-lentils-a-complete-guide/   Lentils are a type of bean that really looks like a seed. It has a high level of protein and  comes in a bunch of different colors and sizes. Lentils grow on short shrubs and have to be picked. The advantage of the lentils is that they have slight tolerance to the drought and hence can survive a period without water.  The advantage that one has with growing the lentils is that since the plant grows round the year once the proper conditions are met it will grow and act as nutrient year round for the people. The Philistines wanted the lentil farm, Shammah stood his ground to protect that which the people had conditioned for growth. He fought the Philistines alone and won.

As I listened, I sat straight up and though wow, the Bible is an amazing book.  Here we are talking about fighting over beans in a field and what it really means to me is what will you fight for if you had it fight all by yourself?  It meant that as a parent we are called to fight for our children and if we have to stand  against the outside influences of the world and shake our children back to reality we are called to do so.   As mothers we birth our children either through actually having them come from our bodies or from having them come to us in a foster or adoption scenario – either way, we  are there when they first learn so many things and we are there when they make mistakes and as they grow older we are there to train them how to correct mistakes and that requires some kind of punishment to shake them up just a little bit to allow them to say hey I better make a change.  We are called to fight for them and to not allow the outside to get into them.  The challenge as mom, who will retire at 55 is to balance it all  and to realize that I have great children. Their grades consisted of A’s, B’s and C’s on a regular basis, these D’s are just an indication that I need to be alittle more vigilante. As any lentil farmer knows that the soil needs to be watered, not daily; but enough to cover the pea to allow it to grow strong and healthy and productive. Now this to me is what you call an aha moment.

Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose
Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

https://yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/12489710/article-Her-Voice–To-helmet-or-not-to-helment?instance=home_opinion_lead_story

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

The day after

Sunday, my favorite day, has come and gone and with it one of the best weekends I have had in a very long time.  Kids were well-behaved, sweetie was cute and handy and I am in love with all four. I woke up with a renewed energy and with the excitement that this day brings.  The church was on fire with the spirit and the words that were spoken were not memorable; however, the feelings that I felt in the sanctuary this day, made my mind relax and know that He is alive and present in my life.  The God that has sustained and kept me continues to do so. 

As my children are becoming older I find that I talk louder. I talk louder because quite frankly my subconscious is telling me “they don’t hear you, say it again and say it louder.”  So, I do. I say it again, I say it louder and then I yell it again and yell it louder. However as I heard his whisper say “shhhhh… don’t yell, talk quietly and tell him what you want them to do.  In this case, on Friday morning, my oldest son was calling my name and as I leaned over the 2nd floor banister to see what was the matter, I look down. He is sitting on the edge of the couch, backpack on his back, ready for school and he says just as calmly as I ask what time is it, the toilet is stopped up and there is water coming out of it. I immediately raise my voice and ask him what are you sitting there for, get a towel or something and clean it up.  My oldest son who understands chemistry and the dynamics of basketball and now track, seems to be at a loss as to what to do now. He sits.

 I felt his kiss and then I felt relief.  There really is no need to escalate from one decibel level to a higher one when speaking to children.  From about  12-years old to maybe 20-something-years old – boys seem to be devoid of the proper responses to elicit in a situation. There is no panic, no fear and no understanding of what is happening and what to do next.   This is the reason to have another around to see what you cannot see and to check what you need to do better. I saw and I will do better.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose
Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

https://yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

My Older Son

My oldest son decided he was going to run track after the basketball season.  A season where I felt his skills were not utilized in the manner that taught him anything.  The fact that he was NOT mentored affected his spirit.  I think it is a dangerous thing when a child’s spirit is broken.  My job as parent is to keep the fire going. I believe I do that for all of my children. I have called his JV coach, the athletic director and left 2 voice mail messages for both of them and as of this typing I have received ZERO return calls.  Any teacher that I have ever called regarding any of my children’s academic career has called me back within the day.  What makes athletic coaches/teachers any different?. Most of these coaches appear to be adult males and as such should be our little boys leaders and example of  how to become a man.  Hmpf.  Oh well, as my son’s champion and as the cutest little pit bull momma you will ever see – I plan to lock on until someone comes and releases my bite and responds when I call.  Teachers are amazing and I respect them for their commitment to my children.  A good teacher motivates, teaches, corrects and guides a child to find his or her own greatness or his or her own ability to persevere even when the class is challenging. Sports are to teach the same.  Our little boys are like clay on the potter’s wheel and can be molded into a beautiful pitcher that can hold all that is taught or it can be so poorly molded that it holds nothing. My son has been on my potter’s wheel for almost 16 years now. His ability to be molded into his own idea of  beautiful is, well, just beautiful.   He has rekindled his own spirit in track.  He is encouraged, motivated and his own personal inner drive is on fire.

When I arrived at the track meet it had already begun. He had already won the triple jump and his team had won the 4×4 where he anchored the team as they came in first place. He saw me, came over to me and allowed me to give him kisses while his teammates huddled around me as he introduced me as his mom and as they smiled.  They were all skinny and muscular and stinky 15 and 16-year-old boys. Silly and goofy and committed to athletics and education.  It is a beautiful thing to see – Asian, Hispanic, Black, Samoan, Indian and White;  all colors=  one boy.

 Watching him run for the very first time last night at the track meet and seeing my beautiful baby boy push with his little skinny legs, anchoring the 4 x 100, across the finish line and come in 2nd all I can say is I was soooooooooooo proud.  He looked good, he felt good and I was screaming with excitement, jumping up and down and afterwards making sure he put his sweats back on so that he would not get a cramp. My children are amazing.  Remember he has not run track since he was a little boy, maybe 9-years old.

 My oldest is the very first thing that God made in my body. He was made because of  love and he is what  I love, because I made him. 

There is nothing like being a mother.

Retiring at 55 is what I will do so that I can enjoy my children with the energy and with the leisure time to bask in their essence and in the three reasons why I move and breathe – their lives fulfill me, their joys and their sorrows motivate me to hang on and be their champion as they have done for me the past 15 1/2 years.  Thank you God.

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose
Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

https://yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”

Teresa LeYung Ryan – Writing Career Coach

In January 2010, Teresa LeYung Ryan drove over an hour from her home in Oakland to my home to make me write daily.  She walked into my home and immediately began discussing feng shui and what was needed to ensure that all of the good thoughts remain in my home.  She then sat down with her laptop and all of her goodies that she travels with and walked me through the process of building my own WordPress site and becoming a Red Room author.  I have been a life learner and this was something to add to my portfolio of things that I must conquer.  I am a writer and a poet and am motivated to continue to grow until the day the Lord closes my eyes.  I want to be an example to my children of the possibilities of a dream coming into fruition during your lifetime.  I sat and listened as she explained what is a tag and how to incorporate them into your blogging.  She also gifted me with her workbook Build Your Name, Beat the Game: Be Happily Published a 22-day playbook. This workbook turned out to be the turning point in my life for writing.  In 22 days I got it and I have continually worked to my advantage.  January 2010, I goggled my name yolande barial and I had about 500 something results; as of today when I google my name I have about 5340 results.  In January 2010 I stated that I would be published in the Tracy Press. January 28, 2011, I was published in the Tracy Press.    http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial  

 

   I believe that if you write it will come to pass. I believe that without Teresa I would not have even begun the experience of the internet and knowing what is the capabilities.   Thank you Teresa. 

 

http://www.amazon.com/Build-Your-Writers-Platform-Fanbase/dp/0983010005/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1297630400&sr=1-1

I say get this book  if you are serious about working to become a better you.  Teresa can be found at http://writingcoachteresa.com

Thank you Teresa!! Woo hoo!!

Yolande Barial
Your Words Project: Speaking on Purpose
Seeks to Enrich the Lives of Women through Spoken and Written Word.
510-589-6445

https://yolandebarial.wordpress.com/

http://www.redroom.com/member/yolandebarial

ybarial@gmail.com

http://www.tracypress.com/view/full_story/11154526/article-Her-Voice–Children-are-a-parental-responsibility?

  http://lovemadeofheart.com/blog/tag/yolande-barial 

“Through her inspirational writings and spiritual poetry, Yolande Barial empowers women of all ages to be on purpose.”